I had barely finished my first semester of college when I found out I had herpes. A high school friend and I wound up taking our
friendship a little further, and 20 seconds into the act that would change my
life forever, he stopped.
My friend said I was too much like a sister, and he couldn't continue. Then
he left. I worried about how that incident would affect our friendship. Little
did I know my worries would extend far beyond that concern.
By Keith Ablow, M.D.
You married a great guy. But you're stuck in a romance rut. Here's your road map to getting the relationship you want with the husband you still cherish.
A happily married woman told me recently that she has a secret way of recapturing the feeling of being in love that she had as a young bride. When she and her husband go out to dinner, she'll watch how other people — a waitress, a friend they're out with that night, an acquaintance who stops by their table — are responding...
Less than a week later, I found myself in excruciating pain. It hurt to
walk, and I couldn't use soap anywhere near my genital area. I knew enough
about sexually transmitted diseases to know that I had herpes, but I didn't
know exactly what to do.
As I sat in the college health center waiting to see a doctor, I watched my
very short-lived social life drift by. I was thinking that I'd probably never
go on another date, or get a boyfriend for that matter, and I'd certainly never
have sex again.
The nurse who examined me revealed that she had herpes and said it was no
big deal. She had been free of outbreaks for 12 years, and the same might be
the case for me, she said.
Genital herpes is a contagious viral infection that remains permanently in
the nerve cells. Many people are unaware they have it, because they don't
experience symptoms or because they attribute the symptoms to something else.
During an outbreak, blisters or sores appear on or around the genital area.
Some people never experience a second outbreak.
The nurse taught me how to manage the virus, but managing my personal life
was another story.
When I confronted my friend about the situation, I asked if he knew that he
had herpes. ''I thought it was a cut,'' he said.
''How would you cut yourself there?'' I asked.
Years later, I've come to the realization that he knew he had herpes, and
that is the reason he stopped in the midst of our sexual adventure. Our
friendship, unfortunately, ended as quickly as the act. It was hard enough to
face the fact that we'd had sex, or tried to, and it was much harder to cope
with the fact that I had caught an incurable sexually transmitted disease.