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Decoding Men's Oddball Love Signals

His gifts are terrible. He talks when you want him to listen. His idea of a date is take-out pizza on the couch. Is this your guy's notion of affection and romance? Well, actually, yes.

And Yes, Sex Does Equal Love continued...

Actually, a compliment can simply be a compliment; we're not always just trying to get you into bed. And even if we are just trying to get you into bed, in case you hadn't noticed, we guys... well, we sure do like our sex. One survey found that 70 percent of men think about sex every day (versus 34 percent of women), while 83 percent of men say they enjoy sex "a great deal" (compared with 59 percent of women). So the idea that we might want to share our favorite pastime with you is very much a good thing.

As Pat, a 36-year-old artist in Philadelphia, says, "Yeah, I've fielded the suggestion from my wife that, 'It might be nice to just cuddle for a long time.' And while my mouth said, 'Sure,' my head, my heart, and my other parts never receive that particular memo. No guy ever gets enough sex; until they install another 24 hours in each day and fill it entirely with sex, it just isn't possible.'"

Look, we men are perfectly willing to accept that women are content to express affection by cooing, hugging, and all that gooey stuff. But the fact that we ourselves want none of these things does not mean that we don't love you. The honest truth is that by having sex with you, we are expressing our love. You can blame countless millennia of evolution, which have encoded us as such: I like her; I will have sex with her. (Reproduce, rinse, repeat.) That impulse is the driving force of life, so mock it all you want, but it's not going anywhere. Besides, as we guys are deep in the throes of passion — all sweaty and grunty and making our silly man-sex faces — we do really love you. (Or at least it sure feels like love. Or maybe we just love how you're making us feel.) Whatever, somewhere between all that and the mumbly postcoitus before we drop off to sleep, we do feel an undeniable closeness, an intimacy the likes of which men never otherwise experience.

Except, of course, if we're bowling.


Originally published on August 18, 2009

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