5 Couples Reveal: "The Extreme Ways We Saved Our Marriages"
"We took a tantric workshop."
Tamara Hutter, 35, and Stephen Hutter, 43; married 11 years;
Tamara: After nine years of marriage, my husband and I were on the brink
of divorce. Stephen would lash out at me over the smallest things, and I wasn't
much better. I was so tired of arguing. We felt that we had tried everything,
including months of marriage counseling, but nothing was working. Our
anniversary was coming up, and in one last surge of hope, I went online to try
to find a gift for Stephen, something that might help our marriage survive as
well. I came across the Tantric Sex Workshop by Pala Copeland and Al Link in
Ottawa. The testimonials from other couples who'd attended sounded promising,
and I thought that we didn't really have anything to lose by trying it.
The workshop was very quaint. It took place in Pala and Al's home on the
beautiful Ottawa River. Over the three-day course, they taught us tantric sex
techniques, and we had time to privately practice them. They also taught us to
create our own space to make love in, by adding pictures, soft lighting, and
sensual items. The ideas were simple, but they taught us new ways of expressing
ourselves and appreciating each other.
Now when I am upset, I can tell Stephen that we need to talk and it won't blow
up into a big argument. The workshop also taught us that sex isn't just sex —
it's a very spiritual way of connecting, which makes it a thousand times more
enjoyable for both of us, physically and emotionally.
Stephen: Tami had told me she wasn't happy and that we needed time
apart. Counseling only seemed to worsen our problems; we were two strong-willed
people who fought a lot, and in therapy all our anger would come out. When my
wife came across Pala and Al's workshop and suggested it, I was
When we got there, I was nervous, but after Al started talking, my butterflies
disappeared. I'd always been the type of guy to get angry if my eggs were
cooked wrong in a restaurant. Pala and Al made me realize that I need to accept
the things I can't change and move on. They had us reexamine the way we looked
at, talked to, and thought about each other.
The "heart talks" technique they taught us was key. If something's bothering
me, I tell Tami I want to talk. She listens, without responding. Then within 24
hours she comes back with her response. The talks diffuse confrontation and we
both feel understood. I love my wife more each day and could not imagine what
would have happened to us without this workshop.