Heat Up Your Relationship This Summer
The thrill of the chase may be over in your relationship, but there are lots of ways to spice up your sex life that you've never tried.
New Flavors continued...
The booty is another territory that many couples haven't fully
"One of the most common things that comes up in sex therapy
is he or she proposing to experiment with anal intercourse, and then to find
the other partner either very enthusiastic beforehand, or very enthusiastic
after the event, and wondering why they didn't try it sooner," Fitzgerald
"Try having sex in a place that's different from where you
normally have sex," Bartlik says. Especially summertime, you could go out
to a secluded outdoor spot and get your thing on there. Probably everyone has
fantasized about languid, passionate lovemaking on a private tropical beach.
Unless you're planning to travel to an uninhabited island anytime soon,
however, you may have to settle for the woods out back.
That other ubiquitous fantasy, the ménages à trois, rarely
works out for couples in committed relationships, Fitzgerald says. "Their
fantasy is so out of proportion with reality that it's ridiculous," he
says. He says that in 17 years as a sex therapist he has seen only two couples
for whom it has been a truly great experience. More commonly, it begets
weirdness between the two principals.
The Way We Were
Often when people talk about wanting to heat up a long-term
relationship, what they really want is to recapture the excitement they felt in
the beginning. So think back to how the two of you related at the time.
"I'm thinking about all the romance that went
into trying to win the person over when they were dating," Bartlik says.
"There were words, and phone calls, and kisses, and making out for hours,
and all this buildup to sex that now they just bypass."
You can never recapture the "thrill of the chase,"
Fitzgerald says. "It can't be repeated." But you shouldn't take your
partner for granted, either.
"I think if you want to spice up your love life you need to
become a more loving person, a more attentive person, on a regular basis,"
says sex therapist Carole Altman, PhD, author of Electrify Your Sex Life
and other books.