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Health & Sex

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How to Get More Foreplay

STEP 2: Stroke his...ego.

Lead into your request by pointing out what he does right, as in, "I enjoy it so much when we're hugging and kissing...." Or if the caresses are in progress, say, "This really turns me on." Avoid negative comments ("Why won't you try such and such?"). And stay away from the word you when talking about what you want, says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of Pleasure: A Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve; that way, you're less apt to sound as if you're blaming him for a so-so sex life.

STEP 3: Tell him what you want.

And when you do, bookend each request with praise, says Lou Paget, author of The Great Lover Playbook. Start with a positive: "Oh, it's so good to be with you." Then, present your request (phrased with let's to create a we're-in-this-together feeling), such as, "Let's go really slow tonight." After he grants your sexy wish, give the reinforcement: "Mmmm, that feels really good" or "That makes me so hot."

You can also frame your request by saying, "You were doing something the other day that felt great...." It's okay to fudge a little here, says Paget, even if he wasn't exactly on target; you'll just build on his previous accomplishments. Once you refresh his memory — he was kissing your breast, perhaps — he'll be eager to repeat his success. Then simply move his hand (men never mind this, Paget says) and use one word at a time: "Slower." "Left." "Up." And give some of that aforementioned reinforcement. Even just breathing loudly is good. As Paget says, "Breath is a whole language in the bedroom."

STEP 4: If all else fails, stroke his ego again.

What if, despite your best diplomatic efforts, he seems hurt by your suggestions or reluctant to try them? First of all, don't get negative or resentful — that's like giving up when you're halfway across the tightrope, says Hutcherson. Be brave and positive just a bit longer, remembering that carrots always work better than sticks. Try this: "I think you're so sexy, and there are times when you turn me on so much. I think I could show you a whole new side of me sexually if you can be patient with me."

A whole new side of you sexually? Oh yeah, that'll definitely get his attention.

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