How to Get More Foreplay
STEP 2: Stroke his...ego.
Lead into your request by pointing out what he does right, as in, "I enjoy
it so much when we're hugging and kissing...." Or if the caresses are in
progress, say, "This really turns me on." Avoid negative comments ("Why won't
you try such and such?"). And stay away from the word you when talking
about what you want, says Hilda Hutcherson, M.D., author of Pleasure: A
Woman's Guide to Getting the Sex You Want, Need and Deserve; that way,
you're less apt to sound as if you're blaming him for a so-so sex life.
STEP 3: Tell him what you want.
And when you do, bookend each request with praise, says Lou Paget, author of
The Great Lover Playbook. Start with a positive: "Oh, it's so good to be
with you." Then, present your request (phrased with let's to create a
we're-in-this-together feeling), such as, "Let's go really slow tonight." After
he grants your sexy wish, give the reinforcement: "Mmmm, that feels really
good" or "That makes me so hot."
You can also frame your request by saying, "You were doing something the other
day that felt great...." It's okay to fudge a little here, says Paget, even if
he wasn't exactly on target; you'll just build on his previous accomplishments.
Once you refresh his memory — he was kissing your breast, perhaps — he'll be
eager to repeat his success. Then simply move his hand (men never mind this,
Paget says) and use one word at a time: "Slower." "Left." "Up." And give some
of that aforementioned reinforcement. Even just breathing loudly is good. As
Paget says, "Breath is a whole language in the bedroom."
STEP 4: If all else fails, stroke his ego again.
What if, despite your best diplomatic efforts, he seems hurt by your
suggestions or reluctant to try them? First of all, don't get negative or
resentful — that's like giving up when you're halfway across the tightrope,
says Hutcherson. Be brave and positive just a bit longer, remembering that
carrots always work better than sticks. Try this: "I think you're so sexy, and
there are times when you turn me on so much. I think I could show you a whole
new side of me sexually if you can be patient with me."
A whole new side of you sexually? Oh yeah, that'll definitely get his