How to Have Just-Met Sex
Create a Little Distance continued...
Another benefit of time apart is that it allows you to make a life for
yourself outside of your relationship. "It's important to have an identity
as an individual, to be involved in activities that take you away from the home
and each other and give you something of your own," says Sharna L. Striar,
Ph.D., a certified sex therapist and relationship counselor in private practice
in New York City. Try revisiting some of the activities and personal passions
you used to pursue before you two started dating but maybe haven't had time for
since. It could be yoga, running, photography, or even just Thursday happy
hours with friends. By feeding your soul this way, Striar adds, "you're
likely to discover a few new things about yourself — things that your partner
can then discover as well."
It's also okay — even good — to keep some corners of your life and mind all
to yourself. "Many couples feel like the only way to bond is by sharing
everything with each other," says Perel. "But it's mystery that really
fuels desire and draws your partner to you. You might think that if you've been
together for years, it's impossible, but the mystery is always there, if you
Rediscover Each Other
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that sex with a new partner is
thrilling largely because it's, well, new. "What makes just-met sex so
exciting is that sense of the unknown and the anticipation of what might
happen," says Georgia-based sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. "You're
still discovering each other's bodies, finding new ways to turn each other on,
and testing new waters." So in order to recapture that just-met sizzle, you
have to snap out of the same-old sex routine.
A classic way to reboot your sexual relationship is to go away together —
for a week, a few days, even just a night. Or send the kids on a sleepover and
turn off the phones so you can have total alone time in your own home.
"Call it a sex vacation," says Britton. "It's an opportunity to go
back to the beginning, when you didn't have babies, shared bills, or a
mortgage, and your relationship was just about the two of you, having