How to Have Just-Met Sex
Rediscover Each Other
It doesn't take a genius to figure out that sex with a new partner is
thrilling largely because it's, well, new. "What makes just-met sex so
exciting is that sense of the unknown and the anticipation of what might
happen," says Georgia-based sex therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. "You're
still discovering each other's bodies, finding new ways to turn each other on,
and testing new waters." So in order to recapture that just-met sizzle, you
have to snap out of the same-old sex routine.
A classic way to reboot your sexual relationship is to go away together —
for a week, a few days, even just a night. Or send the kids on a sleepover and
turn off the phones so you can have total alone time in your own home.
"Call it a sex vacation," says Britton. "It's an opportunity to go
back to the beginning, when you didn't have babies, shared bills, or a
mortgage, and your relationship was just about the two of you, having
Even if you can't get away, taking a trip down memory lane can bring back
some of that new-relationship excitement. Consider reenacting your first
meeting or date, maybe even returning to the scene of the crime. "Reliving
that first introduction can give you both emotional and sexual recall,"
says Brame. "It can transport you to that moment — those butterfly
feelings, the sexual buzz." And the sense that you're "strangers"
can make the encounter feel illicit and naughty as well.
Take it a step further by tapping into some of your first sexual experiences
with each other. "Think about what turned you on then and use that in your
sex life now," Brame adds. Was it his smell? Having sex in the middle of
the day? Showering together? Getting it on in the car? Although you may have
been there, done that five years ago, re-creating those same naughty encounters
will bring you back to the beginning. And focus on sexual activities that help
you rediscover each other's bodies, making them new again. One suggestion:
Blindfold yourselves and take turns lightly kissing each other's bodies or
stroking your partner's skin with your fingertips. You may be surprised by how
much you might have been missing all this time.
Shock Your System
Ah, the first flush of new love. The perma-smile plastered on your face,
that tingling below the belt, the goose bumps you got when he touched you.
Thank you, hormones! "The novelty and excitement of a new sexual partner
triggers the production of dopamine and norepinephrine, neurotransmitters that
are responsible for that love high," explains Helen Fisher, Ph.D., a
professor of anthropology at Rutgers University and author of Why We
Love. "They also boost testosterone in your system, increasing your sex
drive." As the newness wears off, though, all of those chemicals start to
decline, making you less amped up romantically and sexually.