By Heather Johnson Durocher
An e-mail here, a smile there. Maybe that "innocent" friendship with your guy friend isn't so innocent after all....
I'll call him John.
The first time we met, he actually struck me as a bit arrogant. He irritated me enough that I mentioned him to my husband in a "Can you believe this guy?" kind of way. But I interacted with John only occasionally, always through work and mostly over e-mail, so it wasn't a huge deal. He's just one of those people who gets...
"Maybe he got back together with his ex," one friend piped in. "Maybe he was too intimidated by you," another said. "Maybe you should call him," offered another. "Maybe he's gay," suggested yet another.
Or maybe ... he's just not that into you. Sure, these words sound harsh, but according to a best-selling new dating book, these six words can save women like Susan from a lifetime of heartache and stress.
Ever since talk show host Oprah Winfrey featured the book, He's Just Not That Into You, on an episode of the Oprah show, it's been flying off of book shelves and racing up the best-seller list. Its contents are discussed by single women and their dating friends everywhere. Written by former Sex and the City writer Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, this book debunks many of the myths that women create about men and dating.
The bottom line is that men are not complicated and there are no mixed messages. If he doesn't ask you out, call you soon after a date, or want to come inside with you after a date, then he's just not that into you.
This new catchphrase actually started on an episode of Sex and the City when Miranda (played by actress Cynthia Nixon) tells her friends that her latest crush ended their last date with two kisses at her door but declined an invitation inside. His reason: He said he had an early morning appointment. Reasonable, said her friends, but then the only male at the table said ... "He's just not that into you."
The Truth Shall Set You Free?
"Coming up with reasons that he might not have called that are not critical of you is a natural defense mechanism," says New York City psychoanalyst Gail Saltz, MD, author of Becoming Real: Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back.