Make Over Your Sex Life!

By Linda De Villers, PhD

Not getting any? Our couple wasn’t either—until they tried a few of these hot ideas.

Sure, sex is all around us—in music, movies, the news, and even neighborhood drugstores (mine displays an array of inviting products right up front). You’d think we’d all be having it, all the time. We’re not. In fact, in a recent study nearly 20 percent of American couples reveal that they hadn’t had any sex at all in the past month. A month off doesn’t mean you’re sex-starved (in clinical terms, that would be six months), but it’s certainly not a great way to keep a relationship strong. Physical intimacy, as we all know, is an important and necessary part of bonding. So, what’s going on here?

To find out, I turned to Celeste and Rob, who have been married nine years, are working parents of a 4-year-old, and admit that sometimes they are just too pooped to pop. They let me take a peek into their bedroom and offer some tips on revving things up.

The issue: More snoozing than smooching

Like many couples, Celeste and Rob have intense, mismatched schedules, which means they don’t connect much on week-nights. “During the week my husband and I scarcely see each other. I leave really early for work, before he’s even up. Then Rob’s not home evenings until late, sometimes 9 p.m., just when I’m getting ready to pack it in,” Celeste says.

The Rx: Weeknight sex

It’s nice to have something to look forward to during the week, and sex is a great way to relieve stress and reconnect. To make it fun, take turns thinking of special treats for that night—food, a sexy video, massage oil, whatever inspires you.

Sex-o-meter: Yes, yes, yes!

When I checked back with Rob and Celeste, Thursday nights had become fun and sexy. Rob cut his lunch hour short so he could come home earlier. And Celeste got in the mood by indulging in a leisurely bath. He arrived with surprise treats, from sumptuous finger foods to sexy videos. Over time, Celeste started taking the lead—setting the stage, wearing something sensual, selecting a sex toy.