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And Now for Something Completely Different

Know what you want.

What Are Your Own Special Requirements? continued...

From personal as well as therapeutic experience, Zilbergeld says role-playing is a powerful way to increase arousal. Years ago, he was involved with a woman who would start playing a role during sex, he writes in The New Male Sexuality. "She would suddenly say something like, 'You haven't been a good boy today, so you're not going to get any.' Since what we can't have is infinitely more exciting than what we can, my passion immediately skyrocketed, even though I knew she was only acting."

Role-playing, of course, must be mutually agreeable. If one person finds another's role goofy or unappealing, negotiation is needed to find a fantasy that both parties enjoy.

Cathy Williams says that her erotic map-making is never finished, which is what makes it so exciting. "Sex is a wonderful part of life," she says. "If you're not having a great sexual relationship, allow yourself to explore and see what turns you on."

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Reviewed on September 23, 2000

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