And Now for Something Completely Different
Know what you want.
What Are Your Own Special Requirements? continued...
From personal as well as therapeutic experience, Zilbergeld
says role-playing is a powerful way to increase arousal. Years ago, he was
involved with a woman who would start playing a role during sex, he writes in
The New Male Sexuality. "She would suddenly say something like, 'You
haven't been a good boy today, so you're not going to get any.' Since what we
can't have is infinitely more exciting than what we can, my passion immediately
skyrocketed, even though I knew she was only acting."
Role-playing, of course, must be mutually agreeable. If one
person finds another's role goofy or unappealing, negotiation is needed to find
a fantasy that both parties enjoy.
Cathy Williams says that her erotic map-making is never
finished, which is what makes it so exciting. "Sex is a wonderful part of
life," she says. "If you're not having a great sexual
relationship, allow yourself to explore and see what turns you on."