Putting the 'Man' into 'Romance'
Keeping Love Alive
Question from GIVEMEURLUV: That's a pretty good idea(the
jellybeans) -- what about being romantic on a date?
Michael Webb: A very romantic, butuntraditional date, is
going to the library. You can first go to the children'ssection and find some
of your favorite books from when you were children andread them aloud to each
other. Then move over to the microfiche and findnewspapers from the day each of
you was born. Read the headlines out to oneanother. Look up on the computer
system to see if any authors share your nameand then go hunt down their books.
And finally, go over to the travel sectionand discuss your dream vacation plans
with one another. Its basically a freedate, yet one where you'll actually learn
things about one another, unlikegoing to the movies where you remain silent for
Question from Bradcaskanette: What isthe best way to put
romance back in the marriage after 20 years?
Michael Webb: You need to start with the littlethings, and
often that means scheduling romance on a weekly date night or amonthly
celebration. From there, hopefully, it will move to more
Question from Daisy: We live with an elderly relative,and
would like to keep up the romance. But how do we make sure she doesn't feellike
a third wheel?
Michael Webb: Romance is often just abouthaving fun in a
relationship, and it doesn't have to exclude others. Includethem in the
planning of a romantic dinner for three. Let them pick out themusic, or light
the candles. It can still be romantic with children around thetable or an
elderly relative. Simple games played together, especially gamesthat involve
questions and answers about likes and dislikes, dreams, and hopes,are a great
way to get to know others including the relative.
Question from Barbie: My boyfriend is not romantic,
andrarely thinks of doing something nice. I have given him a couple of
books,ideas, etc, but this is not one of his strong points. Any ideas on how to
gethim to be a bit more responsive?
Michael Webb: Often you have to be veryexplicit on how
important romance is to you in a relationship. To some peopleromance is simply
the icing on the cake, to others pretty much the entire cake.And once he knows
what the need is in your relationship, that it's not just alittle perk or
wishful thinking, he may realize that he'll lose you if hedoesn't try to be a
little more sensitive and caring to your needs. But men arenot mind readers. We
have to be told.
Question from Bradcaskanette: Scheduledromance seems to be
fine; it's just getting the fire going...
Michael Webb: You will often find that once youbegin
practicing romantic things the fire will come soon afterward. The mistakepeople
make is that they wait for the fire to be there before they feel likedoing
something romantic for their partner.