By Heather Johnson Durocher
An e-mail here, a smile there. Maybe that "innocent" friendship
with your guy friend isn't so innocent after all....
I'll call him John.
The first time we met, he actually struck me as a bit arrogant. He irritated
me enough that I mentioned him to my husband in a "Can you believe this
guy?" kind of way. But I interacted with John only occasionally, always
through work and mostly over e-mail, so it wasn't a huge deal. He's just
one of those people...
Traditional marriages still exist. But in the last half century, we've seen
lots of changes: interracial and interfaith couples, gay and lesbian couples,
and the older woman with the younger man -- a union that mirrors the older
man-younger woman pairing.
Now, according to experts who spoke to WebMD, a 21st century union may
involve a couple that falls in love at work, now that the office romance is
losing its stigma. Or a couple might be in a commuter marriage, conducting
their long-distance relationship through phone calls and web cams. Or an Indian
engineer in Baltimore may log on to an Indian matrimonial site and find the
woman of his dreams -- a dental student in Bangalore.
With powerful forces -- such as the Internet and a 24/7 work world --
exerting influence on our passions, surprising trends are springing up on the
Long-Distance Marriages on the Rise
In a landscape of dual careers, Internet romances, and globalization, the
long-distance marriage is growing in numbers.
In the U.S., long-distance marriages increased by 23% between 2000 and 2005,
according to census figures analyzed by the Center for the Study of Long
Distance Relationships. In 2005, roughly 3.6 million married people in the U.S.
lived apart for reasons other than marital discord, the center estimates.
On average, couples live 125 miles apart, but some dwell on separate
continents. Some visit every weekend, others, every few months. But on average,
long-distance couples see each other 1.5 times a month, according to center
Such pairs include the two married academics who love their jobs and have
lived apart for more than a decade; the spouse who accepted a foreign job
assignment but didn't want to uproot the family; the high-powered, dual-career
couple constantly on the move to advance in their jobs.
Greg Guldner, MD, the center's director, knows about long-distance
relationships firsthand. He was doing a medical residency in Southern
California when he met his future wife on a trip to Phoenix. The couple
survived four years in a two-state relationship before marrying. Guldner also
wrote the book, Long Distance Relationships: The Complete Guide.
Compared to generations past, today's lovers are more likely to meet while
crisscrossing the country or globe, he says. "People travel for their work,
they commute farther, they generally travel more than we did just a few decades
ago. All of these things make it more likely that they'll fall for someone who
doesn't live nearby."
The web fuels the trend, too. According to the center's web site, "The
rise of Internet dating services predictably contributes to 'coast-to-coast
couples' -- those who live on opposite ends of the nation and met on the web,
but have a real, not just a virtual, relationship. Society has finally started
accepting long-distance relationships as a viable alternative."
Long-distance marriages do have drawbacks, though. Warranted or not, couples
do tend to worry more about infidelity. Furthermore, if
children are involved, one partner shoulders almost the entire burden of
Still, "Commuter marriages are becoming a little more commonplace
because people are willing to try them," Guldner says. "Part of that is
technological. People think that what's out there now -- email and Internet and
so forth -- makes it easier."