The Shy Girl's Guide to Satisfaction (In Bed)

By Lindsey Palmer

In case you had any doubt that taking charge can improve your sex life, now there's proof:

For women, being less passive in bed is associated with increased sexual satisfaction and a better ability to reach the big O, says a recent study in the journal Personal Relationships. Too shy to bust out in the bedroom? Sex expert Emma Taylor (a.k.a. Em), coauthor (with Lorelei Sharkey, a.k.a. Lo) of Buh Bye: The Ultimate Guide to Dumping and Getting Dumped, offers these tips for bashful babes.

1. Change the context

Some women are nervous to ask for what they want during sex because they feel it sounds too demanding. "Try broaching the subject in a different setting where you can express your desires in a more relaxed way," says Em. "Cuddle up to him while watching a sexy scene on TV and whisper, 'I hope we'll try that tonight.'" He'll be receptive to your feedback, no matter when you offer it.

2. Act the part

You're unlikely to suddenly transform into a tigress—but you can pretend to be one. "Even if it scares you, just do it—make the movements to get on top, pin him against the wall, whatever you'd like to do," says Em. "By simply going through the motions, taking charge will start to feel normal, and you'll be more confident for real."

3. Use a crutch

Get help in the form of a sex manual, a book of erotica, or an online sex shop. "Flipping through a book or browsing a website together can work as an icebreaker," says Em. "The images and the ideas you encounter will make it easy to point out what appeals to you without having to form the words for yourself." Plus, checking out hot-and-heavy material makes for great foreplay!

Originally published on November 15, 2007

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