April 10, 2000 (Reno, Nev.) -- Shari Dawson (not her real name) was having
difficulty with physical intimacy and pain during sex, but was too embarrassed
to bring it up with her doctor.
Instead, Dawson found a free Internet site where the doctor posted her
question and, in his answer, suggested she get in-person therapy. "The
Internet got me on the right path," she says. "I wasn't scared to talk
about it anymore. I went to my doctor and found out I had a bladder infection.
She also put me on a long-term therapy program with my partner to become more
comfortable with physical intimacy."
By Laurie Puhn
Almost every couple has one: that seemingly trivial fight that just keeps
cropping up, day after day, month after month, making you feel as if you're
stuck in your very own version of Groundhog Day. Perhaps it's about your
husband's leaving his cereal bowl by the sink rather than in the dishwasher, or
your forgetting — oops! — to tell him that his mother called. The issues that
trigger bickering can seem insignificant, but when fights keep on resurfacing,
your otherwise happy...
While the cast of television's "Sex and the City" discuss a myriad
of sexual quandaries with ease, in real life, most people -- like Dawson --
will stammer through questions about such topics as pain during sex or
masturbation. In fact, embarrassment can be the biggest obstacle between a
sexual problem and help. That's where online sex experts can help, says Deborah
Fox, MSW, a Washington, D.C., sex therapist with her own web site. "The
Internet is useful for addressing sexual problems because people are able to
ask questions that [otherwise] make them feel uncomfortable."
Online Roles and Limitations
Fox and other sex therapists offer their expertise online, providing
educated responses to a variety of questions. They're quick to point out that
this does not, however, qualify as therapy. At "Ask the Sex Doc," for
example, William Fitzgerald, PhD, a sex therapist in Santa Clara, Calif., posts
his answers to hundreds of questions, choosing the ones he feels are most
Common questions easily answered online, according to Fitzgerald, include
the effect of masturbation on sexual performance, the regaining of sex drive
after the death of a spouse, and the way to approach a spouse about acting out
a sexual fantasy. Some sites answer questions free of charge and post the
answers for other users to see, while they may require a fee for answering
Sandor Gardos, PhD, an online sex expert, also responds to questions on many
sexual topics. But when a question is beyond the scope of what can be or should
be answered online, Gardos is quick to suggest face-to-face professional help.
He and other online sex therapists often recommend traditional therapy for
issues that involve more complex problems, such as childhood sexual abuse. Fox
adds that current technology simply doesn't allow for the equivalent of
ongoing, in-person meetings necessary to resolve many sexual issues.