Wanna Feel Sexier?
The Art of Seduction
Your Personal Top 10 List continued...
Write down other assets -- Nice eyes? Easy smile? Great voice?
Ask your friends to validate the list. Step back, look it over, and you're
likely to say, "Hmm ... not bad."
While you're still in that mood, scan your
10-best-things-about-me list and figure out how to emphasize your assets. If
you're especially tall, take a
Pilates class to perfect your posture. If you've got knockout eyes,
experiment with new makeup, get your bangs away from them, and, if you wear
"Coke-bottle" glasses, consider trading them in for contact lenses.
"If you don't think you're fabulous, nobody else is likely
to think so either," she says. "Your body language will convey how you
feel about yourself."
Assets and Deficits
I can't help it. I'm a masochist. I've got to ask: What am I
doing right, and -- God help me -- where am I failing miserably?
"I find you very attractive," Biggs tells me. (Call me
totally insecure, but I enjoy hearing this.) "You're friendly and warm, you
talk easily, and you listen, which is key.
"But ..." (Here it comes!) "... if I were forced to
find something wrong with you ..." (Who's forcing?) "... you might
consider having fewer dark undertones in your hair ..." (Note to self: Book
emergency highlight appointment.) "... and perhaps wearing some blush and
eye shadow, to emphasize your eyes. On the other hand, you've got a great body
and good arms." (Roots be damned! Biggs is my new best friend.) "Lots
of women wear clothes that aren't appropriate for their shape, but you look
Keeping Some Perspective
I'm still contemplating the effects my bad hair and buffed
biceps could be having on my sexpot status, but Biggs' next comment instantly
snaps me out of it.
"You can't be sexy if you're not fully present," she
says. "When you're with another person and your only concern is what
they're thinking about you, you send out a message that nobody's home. You need
to stay inside yourself and your experience. Ask yourself, 'Do I like what I
see? Do I like the way this person is responding to me?' "
This, she says, is the key to honest communication, a skill
that ranks way ahead of a smoldering look or a collagen-plumped pucker on the
High on insight, I can't wait to test my new seduction skills.
When my husband comes home, I greet him in a slinky little slip dress he loves
(instead of the
workout attire I'm usually wearing when he gets home) and plant a long,
steamy kiss on his mouth, demonstrating my new-found sexiness.
Ignoring his questioning stare, I lead him into the dining
room, listening to every word he says and then pointing him to a decadent array
As I slide a sliver of avocado into his mouth, I casually
mention another activity I have in mind for the evening. He's clearly surprised
by my boldness and asks if I've been drinking. I shrug innocently and insist
that sometimes I just can't keep my hands off of him.
I look him right in the eye, smiling, as I say this, and
suddenly feel like I'm the sexiest woman on the block. He doesn't say another
word -- and he doesn't need to.
Note to self: Practice new skills often.