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What Men Really Want But Won't Tell You

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"A chance to handle the kids solo."
We swear we won't break them. Sure, we might let them go a few feet higher on the swings than you would, but getting into a little mischief with the kiddies is one of the inalienable rights of fatherhood. Running around like maniacs, eating ice cream before lunch -- these are the kinds of bonding sessions we dream about while stuck in our dreary offices. So take the afternoon off and let us go nuts with the kids.

"To be told how manly we are when we fix something."
Even if we're only changing a lightbulb, fawn over us as if we were a greased-up Ty Pennington who just added a 4,000-square-foot walk-in closet to your bedroom. "Nothing makes a guy feel like more of a man than when his woman hands him a cold beer after he's been working hard," says Nick Stevens, 32, of Boston. "Yes, that is very 1950s, but it's the truth."

"Oral sex."
Duh.

"Acceptance of our inner dork."
"I secretly crave a woman who will dust -- without complaint or editorial comment -- my extensive collection of action figures," says painter Dave Dorman, 48, who was voted the number one Star Wars artist of all time by Star Wars Galaxy magazine. (Sorry, ladies, he's taken.) Look, we know we should have outgrown comic books and sci-fi flicks at least 15 years ago, but the fact is, we haven't. So you can make fun of us for our nerdy cravings, or you can tag along with us to the latest superhero movie and watch Hugh Jackman or Christian Bale run around in a tank top. Is that really such a chore?

"You paying the neighborhood kid to shovel the driveway before we get our fat asses out of bed."
Or, failing that, hooking us up with a cup of hot cocoa when we come back inside grumbling about moving the family to Florida. Think of it this way: Besides making our morning, that $20 you spent just bought you hours and hours of not having to hear us complain about how much our back hurts from shoveling.

"A spa treatment for you."
This might sound selfless and giving, but we have an ulterior motive. When you have silky, smooth skin, you can't wait for us to get our hands on you. And neither can we.

"You not saying how fat you think you are when you get dressed in the morning."
Who cares if you can't fit into a dress that you used to wear 15 years ago? We think you're still totally hot. "Confidence is sexy," explains Bob. Complaining that you feel fat and gross isn't. After all, we men don't all have the six-pack we want, but that doesn't stop us from acting like we're superstuds. Bottom line: Whether or not you've shed that stubborn 10 pounds you've been dying to ditch, we want you to jump our bones. And if you do, that smile you leave on our faces will give you 10 times more confidence than any infomercial diet plan ever could.

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