What You're Really Doing in Bed
Who Wants Sex More?
So much for the myth that men are always up for action -- about a third of
you say that your guy wants sex more than you do, but nearly a quarter of those
in relationships say that you're the one who wants it more often. Don't take it
personally -- often, it has nothing to do with you or your relationship.
"For men, self-esteem and sexual desire are intimately connected," says
REDBOOK Love Network expert Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of He Comes
Next. "Low desire may simply be work- or stress-related."
What happens when one of you is in the mood and the other isn't? According
to you, your guy is much more likely to just say no: 26% say your guy turns you
down completely when he's not in the mood, while only 11% do the same to him.
You're more likely than he is to give it a whirl anyway (69% vs. 59%) or
compromise with oral sex or another just-for-him treat (20% vs. 15%).
You Tell Us.... How does it make you feel when you're in the mood for sex
and he's not?
"If I am in the mood and he is not, it hurts my feelings. I feel like
I'm not turning him on. I feel bad when he's in the mood and I'm not, so I do
it anyway." -- Michele, 42
"I am in the mood more often than my husband is -- chalk it up to my
healthier living -- so I find myself being disappointed when I need a man's
touch and I'm not getting it. My vibrator comes in handy then, but it's not the
same." -- Kath, 42
"I'll admit it: I get really annoyed when my husband doesn't want to
have sex. I don't take it personally, but I still want it when I want it! I
also tend to get annoyed with myself when I'm not in the mood for sex. More
often than not I make myself be in the mood, but sometimes you're just not into
it." -- Michelle, 26
Are You Faking It?
When it comes to orgasms, many of you think honesty is the best policy: 35%
say you've never faked one. However, one third of you say you fake it either
occasionally or regularly (32% say you used to fake it, but don't anymore).
Why? Of those who have faked orgasm, 60% say it was to make him feel good (35%
say you did it -- or do it -- just to get sex over with).
Hey, give your guy some credit, says Anita Clayton, M.D., a psychiatrist and
author of Satisfaction: Women, Sex, and the Quest for Intimacy.
"Men want to please their partners, and they can't do it if you're not
honest about what works."