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Health & Sex

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Marriage Makeover: "2 Jobs, 2 Kids — Where Does Our Marriage Fit In?"


JEREMY: "When we were first together, our jobs were less demanding and we didn't have a baby, so we had more time to acknowledge what we each did for each other."

MEGHAN: "We get into this comparison thing: 'I know you're doing a lot, but so am I.' It's as if by acknowledging the other person's contribution, you're somehow diminishing your own."

EXPERT ADVICE: "Everyone wants to feel that their stress is understood — that your partner knows how much you're doing. One of the easiest things the Wilkers can do is speak up about how the other person helps life flow more smoothly. So instead of Jeremy just saying, 'Thanks for making that dinner reservation,' he might also say, 'I know you're superbusy and yet you still planned something fun for us to do with our friends.' If Jeremy makes dinner, besides commenting that it's delicious, Meghan could say, 'I know how crazy you are with work and yet you still cooked dinner instead of ordering pizza.' These supportive comments show that they get what their partner is dealing with. They each understand everything the other is juggling. And when they both feel truly appreciated, they'll lose that impulse to get into a comparison match of who is doing the most."

JEREMY: "Our sex life has changed a lot since we got married. Not the quality, but the quantity. It's a quarter of what it used to be."

MEGHAN: "We've gotten into this bad habit of working past midnight after we put our daughter to bed, and then we're exhausted. I'm also not so much of a cuddler when it's time to go to sleep. And it doesn't help that I'm pregnant right now."

JEREMY: "I sometimes think, How hard can it be to just rub my shoulders for a few minutes? Why wouldn't she want to do that? But if I'm feeling neglected, I may not be willing to do that for her, either."

MEGHAN: "We need to make reconnecting less difficult. We'll say, 'We need to go out to dinner once a week and get a sitter,' and then we don't and we feel like we failed."

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