Marriage Makeover: "2 Jobs, 2 Kids — Where Does Our Marriage Fit In?"
JEREMY: "When we were first together, our jobs were less
demanding and we didn't have a baby, so we had more time to acknowledge what we
each did for each other."
MEGHAN: "We get into this comparison thing: 'I know you're doing
a lot, but so am I.' It's as if by acknowledging the other person's
contribution, you're somehow diminishing your own."
EXPERT ADVICE: "Everyone wants to feel that their stress is
understood — that your partner knows how much you're doing. One of the easiest
things the Wilkers can do is speak up about how the other person helps life
flow more smoothly. So instead of Jeremy just saying, 'Thanks for making that
dinner reservation,' he might also say, 'I know you're superbusy and yet you
still planned something fun for us to do with our friends.' If Jeremy makes
dinner, besides commenting that it's delicious, Meghan could say, 'I know how
crazy you are with work and yet you still cooked dinner instead of ordering
pizza.' These supportive comments show that they get what their partner is
dealing with. They each understand everything the other is juggling. And when
they both feel truly appreciated, they'll lose that impulse to get into a
comparison match of who is doing the most."
JEREMY: "Our sex life has changed a lot since we got married. Not
the quality, but the quantity. It's a quarter of what it used to be."
MEGHAN: "We've gotten into this bad habit of working past
midnight after we put our daughter to bed, and then we're exhausted. I'm also
not so much of a cuddler when it's time to go to sleep. And it doesn't help
that I'm pregnant right now."
JEREMY: "I sometimes think, How hard can it be to just rub my
shoulders for a few minutes? Why wouldn't she want to do that? But if I'm
feeling neglected, I may not be willing to do that for her, either."
MEGHAN: "We need to make reconnecting less difficult. We'll say,
'We need to go out to dinner once a week and get a sitter,' and then we don't
and we feel like we failed."