Marriage Makeover: "2 Jobs, 2 Kids — Where Does Our Marriage Fit In?"
JEREMY: "Our sex life has changed a lot since we got married. Not
the quality, but the quantity. It's a quarter of what it used to be."
MEGHAN: "We've gotten into this bad habit of working past
midnight after we put our daughter to bed, and then we're exhausted. I'm also
not so much of a cuddler when it's time to go to sleep. And it doesn't help
that I'm pregnant right now."
JEREMY: "I sometimes think, How hard can it be to just rub my
shoulders for a few minutes? Why wouldn't she want to do that? But if I'm
feeling neglected, I may not be willing to do that for her, either."
MEGHAN: "We need to make reconnecting less difficult. We'll say,
'We need to go out to dinner once a week and get a sitter,' and then we don't
and we feel like we failed."
EXPERT ADVICE: "I could tell Meghan and Jeremy until the cows
come home that they should both work less to make more time for intimacy. But
they're both driven people, and that's okay. They can still find ways to
reconnect. First, they should simply try going to bed at the same time each
night and snuggling. I know Meghan isn't a cuddler, but five minutes is doable.
It will give them that physical closeness they need to recharge their
relationship batteries. And if one of them does want more, be direct. Jeremy
could say, 'If you're up for it, I'd love to.' Even if Meghan isn't, he's put
his wish on her radar. And Meghan should make sure to follow through by
planning to have a sex date soon — in the morning, tomorrow night, or on the
weekend. There's nothing wrong with scheduling sex in the short term; just
avoid making it 'every Tuesday,' which puts too much pressure on the
relationship and can squash desire. Besides snuggling, they could send each
other emails that say, 'I'm looking forward to coming home.' It doesn't have to
be big. It only takes two seconds to say, 'I love you.' Or, 'I'm so glad I
married you.' When you speak from the heart, these statements are powerful and
can change the color of your day."
JEREMY: "I like how Dr. Greer was cognizant of the realities of
our lives. She didn't try to tell us to work or do less. I think we both want
to try the five-minute snuggle thing. Who can argue with five minutes? But I'm
not sure I'll be able to say that something is bothering me and then wait to
discuss it at a better time. It's a good idea, but in the heat of the moment,
you want to talk right then."