Your Love Life
By Nicole Yorio
Boost your love connection in the New Year and beyond.
The Secret to Lifelong Love
Want to break-proof your bond? Learning how to forgive may be the most important skill for a loving and lasting relationship, says Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., author of Forgive for Love. "Forgiveness means more than letting frustrations roll off your shoulders — it involves creating a habit of leaving the past in the past, genuinely seeing the good in your partner, and moving forward with a clean slate," Luskin says. "If you hold on to what went wrong, resentment builds up and can eventually poison the relationship." Taking yourself out of a self-pitying victim mind-set is a powerful first step toward forgiveness. When that voice in your head asks, Why does he do this to me? think instead, I hate what he did, but I love him enough that this is not going to get in my way. By keeping your eye on the big picture, you'll remember that your partner is only human — and after all, so are you.
Instead of resolving to eat better or get organized in the New Year, why not commit to creating a harmonious love life? Make one of these vows today:
1. I will cook his favorite meal for no reason, even if it involves unholy amounts of sausage.
2. I will put his coffee mug in the dishwasher — every $%@# morning, if necessary — without mumbling evil things under my breath.
3. I will not keep score of the number of nights he's watched his favorite shows versus the number of nights I've watched mine.
4. I will bust out the nice lingerie I haven't worn since our honeymoon.
5. I will listen without interrupting — even when I know that I am right.
6. I will not yell at him for hogging the bathroom for 15 minutes when I plan on using it for the next hour.
7. I will find at least one thing to thank him for every single day.
Married folks apologize twice as often as those who are single, divorced, or separated — even if they feel they're not to blame, says a Zogby poll of 7,590 adults. Maybe love really means always saying you're sorry.
Originally published on December 11, 2007
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