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10 Signs Your Partner's Still Into an Ex

How to tell if your lover is hung up on a former flame.

5. The Ex's Name Slips Out During Sexual Climax

Talk about bad timing. During orgasm, the mind is totally uninhibited, making it easier for someone else’s name to slip out, Gray says. That kind of a mistake usually suggests unresolved feelings for an ex.

6. Keeping Mementos

Looking at souvenirs from a relationship is part of the healing process. But, Sherman says, it's time to let go of the reminders when the feelings are resolved. Your partner doesn't need to set the favorite sweatshirt and all those love letters out on the curb. But they should be out of everyday reach.

As for photos on display, it’s one thing to have a group picture that includes a past partner on the wall. It’s another to erect a shrine to that person or plaster the bedroom with a display of the glory days together. You can gently and tactfully suggest keeping those pretty frames and filling them together with new memories of the two of you.

7. Hot and Cold Romance

Watch out for a partner who turns affections on and off. Gray says it might be a sign of inner turmoil. Your partner may be cold and pull away when feeling guilty about not having given the same kind of love in the past relationship. Then the passion may get turned up again when your partner feels guilty for withdrawing from you.

8. Your Partner Says He or She's Not Ready to Commit

One of the symptoms of not being ready to move on is the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” talk. Or, “I’m into you, but I still want to see others.” If a longstanding relationship isn’t moving to the next level, then the roadblock could be another person from the past.

“When someone is wondering, ‘Should I go back? Why didn’t it work?’ it can build a barrier to moving forward,” Gray says.

9. Trouble in the Bedroom

Having problems keeping an erection or reaching orgasm can be a symptom of an emotional hang-up, Gray says. The guilt can create a sense of unworthiness and hold someone back from fully surrendering to a new partner.”

Gray emphasizes, however, that many other factors can affect bedroom performance, such as depression, high estrogen levels, excessive belly fat, and drug abuse.

10. You Just Have a Feeling

“Sometimes clients tell me, ‘I have this feeling in my gut that something’s not right,’” Sherman says. It’s a good barometer, she says. If you think something just doesn’t feel right, it’s probably worth bringing it out in the open. It could lead to a discovery about your partner’s feelings for someone else.

Also, if you feel a need to snoop around, there’s a good chance your relationship has trust problems, Sherman says. Try to get to the cause of the distrust, and hold off on the detective work.

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