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10 Signs Your Partner's Still Into an Ex

How to tell if your lover is hung up on a former flame.

8. Your Partner Says He or She's Not Ready to Commit

One of the symptoms of not being ready to move on is the “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” talk. Or, “I’m into you, but I still want to see others.” If a longstanding relationship isn’t moving to the next level, then the roadblock could be another person from the past.

“When someone is wondering, ‘Should I go back? Why didn’t it work?’ it can build a barrier to moving forward,” Gray says.

9. Trouble in the Bedroom

Having problems keeping an erection or reaching orgasm can be a symptom of an emotional hang-up, Gray says. The guilt can create a sense of unworthiness and hold someone back from fully surrendering to a new partner.”

Gray emphasizes, however, that many other factors can affect bedroom performance, such as depression, high estrogen levels, excessive belly fat, and drug abuse.

10. You Just Have a Feeling

“Sometimes clients tell me, ‘I have this feeling in my gut that something’s not right,’” Sherman says. It’s a good barometer, she says. If you think something just doesn’t feel right, it’s probably worth bringing it out in the open. It could lead to a discovery about your partner’s feelings for someone else.

Also, if you feel a need to snoop around, there’s a good chance your relationship has trust problems, Sherman says. Try to get to the cause of the distrust, and hold off on the detective work.

How to Get Past It

As much heartache and headache as it may cause, couples can survive one partner being stuck on a previous failed relationship. But the longer you wait to speak up, the more likely you’ll be to resent the situation, Sherman says.

Start the dialogue with your hung-up honey with a “working together” approach instead of pushing the other person away with angry words. Use phrases like, “I need your help,” and, “I need your reassurance,” and, “I love you and want to work with you on this,” to get the ball rolling, Sherman says.

If you’re having problems addressing the issue but really feel it’s worth working on, it may be time to seek help from a couple's therapist.

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