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What Does It Take to Lift Your Sex Life to the Next Level?

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HIS VASECTOMY continued...

After we calmed down, we entered couples therapy. I became more sexually confident; he became more understanding. And when we bought our new home, we decided to splurge on a dishwasher. For months, Tmor pored over magazines and scoured the Internet to find the perfect machine — one that was powerful, quiet, and big enough to wash the pots in one load. My very frugal husband could have bought a basic dishwasher just to shut me up. But he wanted a top-of-the-line model so I wouldn’t have to scrub a single pan ever again. I found that very, very sexy.

This month, we’ll be celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary. Tmor brings me flowers, we load the dishwasher together, and we have fantastic sex at least three times a week. By removing dishes from the equation, we were able to remember what we liked about each other in the first place.

A HEALTH CRISIS

Wendy Allen, 55, clinical psychotherapist and business coach
Jeff Allen, 56, real estate developer
Santa Barbara, CA

WENDY: I used to be a competitive horse jumper; five years ago I had a serious accident. My leg was broken in multiple places, and I developed a painful nerve disorder in my foot. I was practically helpless — Jeff had to help me on and off the toilet and bathe me.

During my first year of recovery, I couldn’t have sex in the conventional ways, but it was really important to both of us that we recapture our sexual relationship, even though I was fragile and in pain. So four months after the accident, I initiated kissing and foreplay. It took us another few months before we were able to have intercourse. We had to work to find a position that would accommodate my injuries, and it was brief and far from romantic, but we were so happy just to be having sex that we considered it a victory. Our sex life kept getting better; we felt like a team exploring all the new ways we could be sensual with each other. Instead of sizzling, vigorous sex, our lovemaking was slow and tender.

Now that I’m doing better, we are still enjoying so much tenderness — in addition to exciting, creative sex. After everything we’ve been through, our love feels all the more precious. And we’ll never take good sex for granted.

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