Skip to content

    Sexual Health Center

    Font Size
    A
    A
    A

    Sex Matters®: Start Me Up

    Scheduling sex -- and other ways to rev up out-of-sync drives.
    By
    WebMD Magazine - Feature

    Q: My husband and I have a discrepancy in desire. How do we make it match?

    A: Many people wait a long time before they try to do anything about sexual-frequency discrepancies -- sometimes 15 or more years.

    Recommended Related to Sexual Health

    Preventing HIV and Other STDs With Safe Sex

    Do you think that practicing safe sex takes the joy out of sex? It doesn't have to. Safe sex practices simply combine the greatest pleasure with the least risk of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as herpes or syphilis. Safe sex can actually enhance your sex life by increasing communication and trust between you and your sexual partners.  

    Read the Preventing HIV and Other STDs With Safe Sex article > >

    When this happens, couples settle into a pattern-they get used to turning in each night and staying on their own sides of the bed. How do you overcome this pattern? Here are some ideas:

    Scheduling
    One prime issue is scheduling. Some people find that if they routinely schedule time together during which sex is a possibility (but not a requirement), they realize what they are missing and get back into it. It may sound too easy, but for some couples this is the answer.

    Initiation
    Other people have a difficult time getting things started. They feel anxiety when they go from a nonsexual state to a sexual one. Once they do, they're fine and they wonder, "Why was this so difficult? Why don't we do this more often?"

    If that's the problem, then take a look at how the sex you do have gets started. Is it always predictable? Does the same person always initiate it?

    Location
    Does sex always happen in the same place? For things to change, both peopleneed to agree that they want more sex and must be willing to consider other ways of doing things.

    This is particularly true if one person does most of the initiating.

    Libido
    Make sure you rule out a medical problem. For some men, it may be low sex hormones (testosterone) or erectile dysfunction. Performance anxiety can also affect a man's erection and decrease libido.

    For women, the solution to a low sex drive is more complex. While a woman's sex hormones may be to blame, she can have high, normal, or low free testosterone levels-which do not necessarily reflect the nature of her sex drive.

    Some women have tried testosterone therapy, which does work for many but not all. Ask your doctor about options, including hormonal treatments that may increase your drive, medications such as pills or topical gels that increase blood flow to the genitals, or devices that help enhance libido.

    Reviewed on November 01, 2005

    Today on WebMD

    Sex Drive Killers Slideshow
    Slideshow
    How Healthy is Your Sex Life
    Quiz
     
    HPV Vaccine Future
    Article
    Couple in bed
    Video
     
    HIV Myth Facts
    Slideshow
    STD Overview
    Slideshow
     
    Birth control pills
    Slideshow
    Herpes Vaccine Study
    Video
     
    6 Tips For Teens
    Feature
    things your guy wish you knew slideshow
    Slideshow
     
    Tense teen couple
    Article
    Better Sex Exercises
    Article