Sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience, but it's hard to feel sexy or intimate with your partner when you have sexual performance anxiety. When you're constantly wondering, "Am I doing this right?" "Is my partner enjoying this?" or "Do I look fat?" you become too preoccupied to enjoy sex.
Constant worry over your appearance or ability in bed can make sex stressful and nerve-wracking. It can even make you want to avoid having sex.
Sex is more than just a physical response. Arousal is tied...
Set aside time to be alone or alone with your partner, without children and other distractions.
Use erotic videos or books to increase arousal.
Masturbate to learn about what increases your arousal.
Fantasize about what arouses you sexually; if appropriate, tell your partner about these fantasies. Use sensual massage and other forms of touch.
Try new sexual positions or scenarios.
Use relaxation techniques such as a warm bath before having sex.
Use a vaginal lubricant to relieve arousal problems due to vaginal dryness.
Several excellent books are available in mainstream bookstores or from mail-order sources to help couples deal with sexual and communication problems. Many people prefer this "do-it-yourself" method to talking about these problems with an outsider.