Too Sleepy for Sex?
Ask yourself these four questions to stop sleepiness from stealing your sex life.
Question No 2: Is This Really About Being Sleepy? continued...
In many cases, it’s true. But Sugrue will first explore whether there are
other medical or emotional factors that are poisoning desire -- anger and
substance abuse, for example.
But more often than not, Sugrue says, tiredness rather than a lack of attraction is a legitimate excuse
for sex avoidance.
"The bottom line is, to be sexual does require some energy. If someone is
tired, it’s not surprising that it can be antithetical to having a strong
sexual appetite," he says.
For example, Sugrue points to the two-income couple at the peak of their
career. The wife may complain that she comes home after working all day to take
up her next job -- making dinner, checking homework, doing dishes, folding
laundry, and preparing the next day’s lunches.
"The last thing she wants to do is put on something from Victoria’s Secret
and get into bed. It’s hard to argue that point," Sugrue says.
For men, who are slightly more likely to claim that work leaves them too
exhausted for sex, sleep apnea may be the culprit,
If it’s a lack of energy that’s causing the libido to lag, Sugrue says he’ll
work with the couple to make sure desire doesn’t die in the interim.
"We want to make sure there’s an effort to be close, even if it isn’t in the
throes of coitus. We’re trying to make sure that they’re not ignoring the
relationship," he says. Reassuring the partner that he or she is attractive and
being honest about being tired -- and of course, seeking treatment for a sleep
disorder -- will help keep love alive.
Question No. 3: Is My Timing Off?
Nighttime may simply not be the right time for sex for some people.
McCarthy suggests changing your routine to accommodate meaningful sex and
sleep. Try sex in the morning, earlier in the evening, after a nap, or while
the kids are at dance class or soccer practice.
Couples might also try cuddling rather than having intercourse in order to
foster closeness and sleepiness -- even if one partner is feeling frisky. It’s
important to respect the other’s needs and to recognize that intimacy isn’t always about sex,
McCarthy says. "It’s not a question of quantity, but quality. Good quality
experiences can facilitate good feelings and sleep."