I smoked for more than 44 years and knew I needed to stop. I had
smoking-induced asthma. My parents, both heavy smokers, died of smoking-related
diseases. Secondhand smoke contributed mightily to my four children’s recurring
upper respiratory ailments in their younger years. Yet I continued to
Every winter I dealt with pleurisy attacks from breathing cold air. I had to
lie flat on my back for days, the slightest movement sending knifelike pains
through my chest. After I’d recovered, the first thing I reached for was a
cigarette. And there were the occasional visits to the hospital ER, where I’d
get an injection of adrenaline to jump-start my breathing. I endured untold
bouts of asthmatic bronchitis. Violent coughing spasms sent me straight to the
toilet bowl, each heave accompanied by the vow, “I’ll never smoke again!” It
was a vow I never kept.
Did I ever try to quit? Of course. Most attempts were only halfhearted
because I was constantly searching for the magic bullet that would
instantaneously zap me from smoker to nonsmoker.
That all changed on April 27, 2001, the day I said goodbye to nicotine. I’d
finally had it. My motivation? No money for cigs or nicotine patches and a long
overdue explosion of more than 44 years’ worth of pent-up anger at myself, at
addiction, at nicotine. I shredded the remains of my last pack of smokes into
the waste-basket, grabbed a bottle of water, took a deep breath, and prayed,
“You have to help me, Lord. I’ll do my part by not smoking if you help me deal
with stress.” Believe it or not, from that first day my life did change: Every
time I craved a smoke or felt stress creeping in, I’d swig on that bottle of
water and/or deep-breathe my way through it, but I didn’t smoke.
Then, browsing the Internet a few weeks into my recovery, I found WebMD’s
Smoking Cessation Support Group Message Board. I lurked for several days,
reading messages, getting a feel for the place. The posters seemed like regular
folks helping each other quit and stay off cigarettes. They talked one another
through stressful times and celebrated large and small victories over demon
They also helped me realize that recovery is a gift and that, while
addictions are never cured, recovery is within reach of us all. As for me, I
believe my recovery will continue as long as I maintain an awareness of the
power of addiction and continue to be willing to do what is necessary to
protect and nurture my recovery.
Yes, 44 years of smoking have taken their toll: My breathing is compromised.
I use an inhaler, and I don’t move as fast as I’d like. But at age 68, my
quality of life is far better than if I’d continued smoking.
I am most grateful to God and the support group for helping me on my
recovery journey. If I can quit, anyone can.