Men in Love

There's an old story about a couple in their 90s who go to a divorce lawyer to dissolve their 75-year-long marriage. When the lawyer asks them "Why in heaven's name do you want a divorce after all these years?" they reply, "We wanted to wait until the children were dead."

Although about half of all marriages these days end in divorce, the odds that a couple will stay happily married or in a satisfying and fulfilling life partnership - with or without children -- get a whole lot better when both partners work at it and learn to give and take, says Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD.

In an interview with WebMD, Gottman, co-founder and clinical director of The Gottman Institute, a Seattle-based couples-counseling center, discussed what men need and want from their romantic relationships in three key phases of their lives: the 20, 40, and 60s.

As you read, keep in mind this winning strategy, which Gottman says helps all couples of all ages:

• Make time for conversations where you find out what your partner has experienced lately.
• Express fondness, appreciation, and admiration for your partner often.
• Acknowledge your partners interests, even in small moments.
• Avoid the "Four Horsemen" of Marriage: criticism, contempt, defensiveness (which follows criticism and contempt), and stonewalling (that is, when one partner completely shuts down and refuses to respond)."Something like 81% of our stonewallers are men," Gottman says.