We date and we date, but we don't find Mr. or Ms. Right. In
fact, we may find someone a lot scarier.
There's serious stuff out there, like HIV and STDs, date rape,
online stalkers. Then there are other dangers -- boredom, disillusionment,
getting dumped, or simply getting taken. Two love experts offer their dating
Danger: Blinded by Chemistry
Face it; finding a great mate takes some research. "You're
going to go through a lot of people, until you find someone where there is some
kinetic thing, some magnetism, some desire to know more," says Pepper
Schwartz, PhD, a sociologist at the University of Washington in Seattle.
"You're looking for a connection, someone you're physically
attracted to -- who's physically attracted to you -- plus someone who doesn't
make you feel bored from the get-go," Schwartz tells WebMD
Chemistry, mutual interests -- that's all great. "But don't
let the love bug mesmerize you," says Paul Falzone, author of the book,
Find the Right One and CEO of "The Right One" and
"Together," two nationwide dating services.
Falzone tells a story of a North Carolina woman who fell
"totally in love" with a Massachusetts man she met online. Six months
later, they met. Eventually, he encouraged her to sell her house, pack
everything into a truck, and prepare herself and her two young children for a
new life. Then comes the email saying, "I can't go through with this. I'm
sorry, I'm dishonest, I'm married."
"You have to be very careful," Falzone tells WebMD.
"Especially when children are involved, you want to make sure you're doing
the right thing." In fact, he advises hiring a private investigator when
getting involved with someone new. "People are naÃ¯ve, they will trust
anybody. Then after they're snookered, they feel so silly, so embarrassed about
His dating advice: "You can't change the spots on a
Danger: Dying of Boredom
A date isn't a therapy session; don't ramble about lost loves
or your personal problems too much, Falzone says.
At the beginning, your dates don't need to know about your
insecurities, your dead-end job, your failed relationships, he says. It's one
thing to show depth of character, but revealing inner demons can be a turn-off.
Keep the conversation lively and fun, and slowly reveal the real you.
If you look back fondly on a past relationship, the message
comes across that you're not over it -- causing your new romantic interest to
feel threatened, jealous, or insecure, says Falzone. Showing bitterness over a
breakup can make your date wonder if you badmouth all former flames. Sure, you
need to bring up past relationships at some point. But too much too soon can
lead to trouble.