How to Get Your Sexy Back
Sexiness isn't something you just turn on and off. You have to cultivate it, get in touch with your body. Once you tap in to your sensuality, a great sex life -- and a positive new outlook -- are just around the corner.
By Colleen Oakley
You used to want to have sex. A lot. There was a time when you couldn't wait
to rip your guy's clothes off, when you felt empowered and excited by the mere
thought of a bedroom romp. Ah, the good ol' days. Recently, however, it seems
that watching American Idol — or watching paint dry — are more appealing
options than getting it on with your fella. Whatever happened to that sexy,
flirtatious girl you used to know? Don't worry — she's still in there.
While many of us blame kids, bills, or work and say we don't have the time
or energy to get sexual, we're actually missing the real cause of the
cool-down, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. "One of the main
reasons I've found that women don't want to have sex is that they don't feel as
sexy as they used to," he says. Unfortunately, feeling sexy isn't something you
can just conjure up at a moment's notice. "Women have to transition between the
mother who's taking care of everything to the seductive wife, and that doesn't
happen in an instant," Haltzman says. "It takes work."
You can find the time to get your sexy back. The first step? Retrain
your brain. "Change the way you think about sex," suggests Haltzman. "Most
women think of sex as something he gets and you give. Instead, think of
yourself as being the receiver or the lucky one." Once you start seeing sex as
a treat for you, you can tune in to other sensual treats in your daily life.
And getting in touch with feel-good sights, sounds, and experiences will make
you feel more confident and vibrant. Soon, you'll open yourself up to feeling
sexy and attractive — and you'll actually want to have sex (dishes be damned!).
Then you can start reveling in all the rewards a healthy sex life can bring: a
tighter bond with your husband; less stress, tension, and anxiety; and a rosier
outlook on life. Not to mention, when you're having good sex on a regular
basis, you feel sexier. It's a cycle — one that you can kick-start now
to cast a positive halo over every area of your life, including your
friendships, your job, and your self-confidence. Here are 21 ways to tap in to
your sensual self — and start reaping the benefits tonight.
1. Focus on the last time. Taking just five minutes out of your busy
day to replay the specifics of your last really great sexual encounter will
whet your appetite, says Gail Saltz, Ph.D., the author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better
Life. Think about your pleasure: how it made you feel — and how you
want to feel that way again.