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How to Get Your Sexy Back

Sexiness isn't something you just turn on and off. You have to cultivate it, get in touch with your body. Once you tap in to your sensuality, a great sex life -- and a positive new outlook -- are just around the corner.

WebMD Feature from "Redbook" Magazine

By Colleen Oakley

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You used to want to have sex. A lot. There was a time when you couldn't wait to rip your guy's clothes off, when you felt empowered and excited by the mere thought of a bedroom romp. Ah, the good ol' days. Recently, however, it seems that watching American Idol — or watching paint dry — are more appealing options than getting it on with your fella. Whatever happened to that sexy, flirtatious girl you used to know? Don't worry — she's still in there.

While many of us blame kids, bills, or work and say we don't have the time or energy to get sexual, we're actually missing the real cause of the cool-down, says psychiatrist Scott Haltzman, M.D., the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Women. "One of the main reasons I've found that women don't want to have sex is that they don't feel as sexy as they used to," he says. Unfortunately, feeling sexy isn't something you can just conjure up at a moment's notice. "Women have to transition between the mother who's taking care of everything to the seductive wife, and that doesn't happen in an instant," Haltzman says. "It takes work."

You can find the time to get your sexy back. The first step? Retrain your brain. "Change the way you think about sex," suggests Haltzman. "Most women think of sex as something he gets and you give. Instead, think of yourself as being the receiver or the lucky one." Once you start seeing sex as a treat for you, you can tune in to other sensual treats in your daily life. And getting in touch with feel-good sights, sounds, and experiences will make you feel more confident and vibrant. Soon, you'll open yourself up to feeling sexy and attractive — and you'll actually want to have sex (dishes be damned!). Then you can start reveling in all the rewards a healthy sex life can bring: a tighter bond with your husband; less stress, tension, and anxiety; and a rosier outlook on life. Not to mention, when you're having good sex on a regular basis, you feel sexier. It's a cycle — one that you can kick-start now to cast a positive halo over every area of your life, including your friendships, your job, and your self-confidence. Here are 21 ways to tap in to your sensual self — and start reaping the benefits tonight.

1. Focus on the last time. Taking just five minutes out of your busy day to replay the specifics of your last really great sexual encounter will whet your appetite, says Gail Saltz, Ph.D., the author of The Ripple Effect: How Better Sex Can Lead to a Better Life. Think about your pleasure: how it made you feel — and how you want to feel that way again.

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