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Women's Health

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Recharging Your Love Life

Synchronize your sex drives in three easy steps

Step 2: Compromise for sexual compatibility

The next step is to recognize that sometimes partners have to meet each other halfway -- even in the bedroom.

"You have to acknowledge there is a sexual compatibility issue in your relationship and one or both of you may have to compromise," Saltz says.

But that should not require either partner to be demanding, says Cadell. And neither partner should feel the other is being "greedy."

Even if you are not in the mood, give it a whirl, says Saltz. "Usually after you get started, you can become aroused." Compromise is not difficult, she says, if each partner is willing to do a little more to please the other.

"I think it's the one with the lesser interest in sex who has the responsibility to satisfy the one with the greater interest," says Pepper Schwartz, PhD. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle. He is also the author of several books including Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.

Step 3: Energize your love life

For many couples, the final step in synchronizing sexual compatibility is to go back to the way things were when you were newly in love. One great way to do that, say experts, is to "date your mate," putting aside a special time of the week -- or month -- when sex becomes your top priority. You might even take turns initiating or deciding what to do; that way if she wants a bubble bath and massage while he wants rough and tumble sex, both get their needs met.

And, experts say, don't be shy about telling your partner other ways they can turn you on if, for some reason, intercourse is not an option. "Asking your partner to pleasure you as a replacement for intercourse is OK from time to time," says Saltz.

Moreover, experts say that "shaking things up a bit" -- making love in unusual places or at different times of day -- can also help energize your love life. "Changing it up by doing it someplace new makes it more exciting and stirs sex drive in the partner whose libido may be lacking," Saltz says. This is a win-win, she says. "For the person who wants more sex, doing something new is exciting and satiating."

Schwartz agrees: "Sometimes couples with desire discrepancy just need more excitement."

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Reviewed on November 19, 2008

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