Recharging Your Love Life
Synchronize your sex drives in three easy steps
Step 2: Compromise for sexual compatibility
The next step is to recognize that sometimes partners have to meet each
other halfway -- even in the bedroom.
"You have to acknowledge there is a sexual compatibility issue in your
relationship and one or both of you may have to compromise," Saltz says.
But that should not require either partner to be demanding, says Cadell. And
neither partner should feel the other is being "greedy."
Even if you are not in the mood, give it a whirl, says Saltz. "Usually after
you get started, you can become aroused." Compromise is not difficult, she
says, if each partner is willing to do a little more to please the other.
"I think it's the one with the lesser interest in sex who has the
responsibility to satisfy the one with the greater interest," says Pepper
Schwartz, PhD. Schwartz is a professor of sociology at the University of
Washington in Seattle. He is also the author of several books including
Prime: Adventures and Advice on Sex, Love, and the Sensual Years.
Step 3: Energize your love life
For many couples, the final step in synchronizing sexual compatibility is to
go back to the way things were when you were newly in love. One great way to do
that, say experts, is to "date your mate," putting aside a special time of the
week -- or month -- when sex becomes your top priority. You might even take
turns initiating or deciding what to do; that way if she wants a bubble bath
and massage while he wants rough and tumble sex, both get
their needs met.
And, experts say, don't be shy about telling your partner other ways they
can turn you on if, for some reason, intercourse is not an option. "Asking your
partner to pleasure you as a replacement for intercourse is OK from time to
time," says Saltz.
Moreover, experts say that "shaking things up a bit" -- making love in
unusual places or at different times of day -- can also help energize your love
life. "Changing it up by doing it someplace new makes it more exciting and
stirs sex drive in the partner whose libido may be lacking," Saltz says. This
is a win-win, she says. "For the person who wants more sex, doing something new
is exciting and satiating."
Schwartz agrees: "Sometimes couples with desire discrepancy just need more