When Desire Dies: Bringing Your Sex Drive Back to Life
WebMD asked top sex experts to explain what happened to your libido and what you can do to get lovemaking back on track.
But while for some women the answer might be as close as that tube on the
nightstand, Sadock says, for many others the lack of libido is intimately
linked to the complex emotional algorithm that makes up a woman's sex
"If a woman is upset, confused, tired, if she is feeling overworked and
under appreciated, even if she is not consciously aware of some problems within
her relationship, I can promise you that a tube of lubricant is not going to be
enough to make her feel like having sex," says Sadock.
Case in point, the Journal of Impotence Research study found that
relationship problems were frequently at the heart of many women's low sex
Moreover, Sadock says other studies found that even when a woman's body is
turned on, she won't recognize it if she's not emotionally open to making
"In one study conducted in the Netherlands doctors found that even when
measurements of vaginal lubrication confirmed sexual excitement, a woman didn't
perceive desire if she was not in touch with the idea of being turned on,"
This, she says, can also occur when self-esteem is low.
"When you don't feel good about yourself, if you view yourself as
undesirable, then you'll push desire out of your mind as well," says
Finding Your Sex Drive Again
So how do you coax your sex drive out of hiding?
For women who need a little encouragement that intimacy is still within
their grasp, Sadock recommends giving fantasy a try.
"Put your partner out of your mind and focus strictly on sex," says
Sadock. Imagine, if you will, having the most wonderful, delicious,
glorious romp with anyone you desire -- a movie star, an old flame, a
mysterious stranger -- and then see how you feel.
"Even if you don't get overwhelmingly excited, if you can at least feel
a sense of openness about sexual excitement, then there is little doubt that
your desire is still intact," says Sadock.
Ramp Up Low Sex Drive by Resolving Issues
"Many women are scared to even consider their relationship as the cause
of their desire issues because they are afraid it means the marriage is over,
but this is not usually the case," says Sadock.