said, you got to meet my friend. And I'm like, no, I'm not going to date one of your friends. And then Mehri walked in the room and I said, well, I changed my mind. I'll date your friend.
MEHRI COULTER: And I actually called my mom that day and I said, mom, you're not going to believe this, but I met the man I'm going to marry. I've kind of always known that I was a little different than everybody. The first time I noticed that there was something wrong with ironically on the day he proposed to me.
I was graduating that year and here comes the man of my dreams, and I was so depressed. And I knew there was something.
LOGAN COULTER: Especially being young, you didn't really understand what you're saying. No one really talks about mental illness.
MEHRI COULTER: I was so extremely depressed, suicidal. I wrote in my journal--
LOGAN COULTER: And I remember spending the day just reading through the journal front to back. It ended up being kind of like the missing piece of the puzzle.
MEHRI COULTER: I was so mad at you. I mean, he practically had to drag me to the hospital. I did not want to go at all.
LOGAN COULTER: But she did it. I was so proud of her.
MEHRI COULTER: When I was told that I had bipolar disorder, it was devastating.
LOGAN COULTER: Now that we've been together so long, I know exactly where things are heading-- but it just took time. Now when Mehri wakes up, I know exactly how she's feeling. Rarely do I say, OK, that came out of nowhere. Which I think a lot of people think bipolar is-- well, she woke up this morning, she's smiling, and giving babies hugs and kisses, and in the afternoon she's losing her mind. That's not bipolar disorder. It's the slow onset. And it moves really slowly.
There's nothing I can say or do that's going to make her snap out of it. I can't change it. I can only just be there for her.
MEHRI COULTER: My brain does not have a cap to how amazing I can feel. But it also doesn't have a plug to how horrible I can feel. I said, well, how about we illustrate my feelings in pictures? I think that would be very powerful.
LOGAN COULTER: Mehri's come up with so many great ideas over the years. But when she mentioned this one, I'm like this is it Mehri.
MEHRI COULTER: He booked the tickets. He gave me the contact information of a photographer to take these pictures for me, and made it a reality. When I get these uncontrollable feelings of rage, it's so overwhelming.
LOGAN COULTER: It's almost like a volcano about to explode. I can see it coming.
MEHRI COULTER: Suicidal thoughts is when you are so profoundly depressed and in your deranged irrational state of mind you think the only thing that will help you is killing yourself, which absolutely I know is not the answer. It's very hard. And there's a lot of people who feel that everyday.
Creativity feels like your brain needs to go for an extremely long run.
LOGAN COULTER: You know, I get excited for her. I'm like, wow, what an amazing thought. I mean, she can have ideas and be so futuristic in the capacity that I can never get to. Sadness is obviously a lot harder for Mehri than it is for me.
MEHRI COULTER: You just keep crying and crying for me personally, for no reason. I don't want my kids to remember me as a sad person. Having to explain to them, you know, mommy's brain hurts right now. I'm just sick. For me, that's the hardest part.
Hypersexuality is probably my husband's favorite symptom of them all.
LOGAN COULTER: It's not bad. We work through it.
MEHRI COULTER: It's like the whole world is sex. I think one of the hallmarks of bipolar disorder is people having affairs. And I am more in love with him than I think anybody could be with anybody. But in that state of mind, I can absolutely see how affairs happen. Paranoia for me manifests itself more as, I think, fear. There's this constant underlying guilt with everything.
Grandiosity is awesome. You can do anything that you want to. Those fleeting moments of grandiosity are amazing. Despair is feeling like there are a ton of bricks on you. You cannot move.
I started a Facebook, and blog, and Instagram about everything bipolar. My blog is called So Bipolar. Bipolar is a very misunderstood mental illness and the more we talk about it, the more people will understand, and there will be less stigma.
LOGAN COULTER: You know, you look at other people that have-- maybe a family member has-- or their spouse has diabetes-- or something else complicated. And at that point you don't give up on love just because one family member is sick.
MEHRI COULTER: Our marriage is so successful because of the way we respond to it, and how supportive. he is of me.
LOGAN COULTER: I know we've been talking a lot about how I pick Mehri up, but it goes both ways. You know, Mehri is always there for me in everything that I go through. And then in turn, I'm there for Mehri when she needs my help. There is no tip or trick. And there is no solution. But at the end of the day, Mehri and I love each other. And this marriage is going to last until we die. That's the way we're doing it.