[MUSIC PLAYING] SPEAKER: A relative of mine had advanced breast cancer a number of years ago. I started researching, working with cancer patients. I work with some support groups and learn about the different types of cancer. There were so many women who needed assistance. I just fell in love with working with them.

I'm Karen Whitehead. I'm a therapist, coach, and advocate for women with advanced breast cancer and other life-limiting illnesses. Advanced breast cancer is a really unique group of women. They often get thrown into groups for anyone with breast cancer or groups for anyone with an advanced cancer. And they don't really fit in either one.

Support groups for women with breast cancer tend to have a transitioning population. They finish treatment, they're done, they integrate this experience into their lives, and then for the most part, move on. With advanced cancer what happens is these women are never done with treatment. They're in treatment for the rest of their lives.

And a lot of people don't understand that. So they'll get the question, well, when will you be done? Well, never. We talk about hard things. We talk about how to have a good death and what that means and how to advocate for that-- not only with your medical team, but with your family. Often, families and friends don't want to hear that. They'll say, be positive.

These women are still being positive, but they're also realistic. And when we can plan ahead for a good death-- which includes living our lives-- then everything else gets so much easier. We talk a lot about how to advocate in a couple of different ways-- accept, align, ask, and advocate.

How do we accept the reality of our situation? It doesn't mean that we have to like it, but we do have to accept where we are and have an understanding of what's going on in order to make educated decisions. Then we need to align with our goals and values for treatment and for living our life. Then asking for support-- who do you ask? How do you ask? And then advocate-- how do you speak up for what you need?

Raising the bar for women with advanced breast cancer is really about educating. They want people to know that they're still alive. They're not dying today. They're raising families. They're on the PTA. They're playing tennis. They're traveling. They're enjoying their lives while they're dealing with this condition.

Whether we're talking about breast cancer or any other type of cancer-- they're not all the same. Continuing to educate the public, advocating for more research for advanced breast cancer. They need people spreading the word that this is something you can thrive with. These women just-- they impact me so much every day. The sense of urgency that they live with is something that I really try to live my life by.

We all think we're going to live forever. We try not to think about death. But when we can think about death, when we can plan for a good death, we don't have to think about it anymore. We can just live our lives to the fullest of our ability and get what we want out of our lives. And that's a gift that they give me every day.