Men looking for ways to support a wife, sister, mother, or
other woman with breast cancer may want to learn from experts and other men who
have been in the same position. In August 2001, Jackie Thomas was diagnosed
with breast cancer and quickly had surgery and started chemotherapy. Her
husband, Michael, a Lutheran minister with a background as a chaplain at the
University of Nebraska Medical Center in Omaha found that his experience
counseling others through illness hadn't prepared him for this. "It's a
very difficult position to be in. You're used to being in control and you're
not in control. You want to come up with a solution and there is no
When you're first diagnosed with breast cancer, all you can
think about is "Am I going to die?" But as you begin to learn to live
with your cancer diagnosis, you start to think about other
things, like "What am I going to look like bald?" It may sound
frivolous, but ask any breast cancer survivor and she'll tell you that she
thought a lot about whether to splurge on that real human hair wig or
what she'd look like in a swimsuit.
Feeling good about how you look is an important part of feeling...
When a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, it can blindside
the men who love her - husbands, boyfriends, fathers, sons. It's not just a
"woman's issue," say the men who've been affected. But many of them
know little about the disease itself and find themselves at a loss as to how to
help the women they love cope emotionally (much less cope themselves).
What's Happening to Her?
"Breast cancer is one of those diseases where there isn't a
simple formula for treatment," says Judy Perotti, director of patient
services for Y-ME, a national breast cancer organization. "Treatment is
very individualized based on the woman's age, the size of the tumor, whether
it's in the lymph nodes, and whether it's estrogen-receptor positive. Those are
pieces of information that are critical to know and understand."
Y-ME offers a brochure called Understanding Your Breast
Cancer Pathology Report that can help decipher the "medicalese"
behind your wife's or mother's hospital chart. "People should know that
they have to be active in the treatment decisions, because there isn't a
formula," Perotti says.
Still, there are some things you can expect. "Most younger
women with invasive breast cancer get chemotherapy. That takes at least three
months, sometimes more," says Anne O'Connor, RN, MSN, clinical nurse
coordinator at the Lombardi Cancer Center at Georgetown University.
"Every three weeks, she'll get chemo for an hour to four
hours. For the next several days, she'll be taking a lot of medication and not
feeling well. After that, she'll probably be feeling more like herself, but
she'll still be fatigued, and the effects are cumulative."
There will be other changes. "If she has radiation therapy,
just going for it is fatiguing, since the treatment is usually Monday through
Friday for six weeks. There can be skin changes and sensitivity," O'Connor
says. "There will be changes to the breast. And there will be emotional