Today, Michael Barrette is a laid-back, seasoned father, but
this wasn't always the case. Before his son Brendan was born in August 1999,
Barrette reluctantly "enlisted" in Boot Camp for New Dads to learn the
A program that brings expectant fathers together with recent
dads and their newborns to learn from one another, Boot Camp for New Dads is
now in more than 120 communities in 36 states. Graduates -- the
"veteran" dads -- range in age from 16 to 60. Recruits, or
"rookies," come from all income brackets and all ethnic backgrounds.
Some are unemployed and others are corporate attorneys.
You probably think of yourself as an average guy. And you probably think you
cope pretty well with everyday stress. Sure, the boss might be causing you
stress at work and making you uneasy about how secure your job is. Yeah, and
maybe your wife has been too busy or too tired lately to notice just how much
stress you have to deal with. And look at how fast your daughter is growing up.
It's as if you're watching her in time-lapse photography while your
college-aged son is still stuck in high...
"I didn't think I would learn much because I thought I was
well-prepared for fatherhood," Barrette recalls. Because he was 9 when his
younger brother was born, Barrette had some experience changing diapers, but a
man's role in the family has changed dramatically in the more than 25 years
since then. Back then, fathers didn't even witness birth because they weren't
allowed in the birth room -- whereas today they are considered equal partners
in the process, and are increasingly expected to behave as such.
"When I found myself in a room full of guys talking about
what I was feeling, it was a profound experience," says Barrette, a
musician whose group included a physicist, a couple of police officers, and a
"It was a diverse group of guys all expressing the same
fears and hopes," he says. "Everyone is concerned about creating a bond
with their child."
Facing the Fear Factor
In a three-hour session, Barrette -- along with other rookie
dads, veteran dads, and a coach -- discussed the potential pitfalls of
fatherhood, such as the strain a new baby can put on a marriage and the baby
blues their partner might suffer following delivery. They also learned some
important "how-tos" -- such as how to swaddle, diaper, feed, and even
hold a baby. Depending on the locale, Boot Camp typically consists of one or
two initial sessions and ongoing support through monthly group meetings of new
"It's reassuring to hold and comfort a baby," says
Barrette. "The fear factor melts away when you get the baby in your
The idea for Boot Camp was sired about 12 years ago, when
founder Greg Bishop, father of four and sibling to 12, noticed that most men
just didn't seem to enjoy their babies.
"Virtually every man out there wants to do the job, but
it's tough transition from 'guy' to 'father' and there are very few sources of
information," says Bishop, a Boot Camp coach at the Irvine Medical Center
in Irvine, Calif.
But that's changing. Boot Camp for New Dads has received a
grant to work with PROJECT JUMPSTART to join with healthcare providers and
community organizations to develop ways to reach, orient, and equip men to meet
the challenges of fatherhood.
For example, in some hospitals, nurses are taking new dads to
the nursery and walking them through the process of changing diapers and
bathing the new infant, while the moms recuperate from delivery.
"If a lot of obstetric nurses did that across the country,
men would be much more comfortable with newborns," Bishop says.