Today, Michael Barrette is a laid-back, seasoned father, but this wasn't always the case. Before his son Brendan was born in August 1999, Barrette reluctantly "enlisted" in Boot Camp for New Dads to learn the ropes.
A program that brings expectant fathers together with recent dads and their newborns to learn from one another, Boot Camp for New Dads is now in more than 120 communities in 36 states. Graduates -- the "veteran" dads -- range in age from 16 to 60. Recruits, or "rookies," come from all income brackets and all ethnic backgrounds. Some are unemployed and others are corporate attorneys.
Life provides men with an endless supply of things to get angry about. There’s the sullen waitress who refuses to look in your direction while you wave desperately for the check. There’s the oaf who drifts across the road without ever using his blinker. There’s the dropped call, the tepid shower, the gum on the bottom of the shoe.
While it’s perfectly natural to get angry about any of these things, anger comes to some men more naturally than others. For the hot-tempered, the pettiest annoyance results...
"I didn't think I would learn much because I thought I was well-prepared for fatherhood," Barrette recalls. Because he was 9 when his younger brother was born, Barrette had some experience changing diapers, but a man's role in the family has changed dramatically in the more than 25 years since then. Back then, fathers didn't even witness birth because they weren't allowed in the birth room -- whereas today they are considered equal partners in the process, and are increasingly expected to behave as such.
"When I found myself in a room full of guys talking about what I was feeling, it was a profound experience," says Barrette, a musician whose group included a physicist, a couple of police officers, and a truck driver.
"It was a diverse group of guys all expressing the same fears and hopes," he says. "Everyone is concerned about creating a bond with their child."
Facing the Fear Factor
In a three-hour session, Barrette -- along with other rookie dads, veteran dads, and a coach -- discussed the potential pitfalls of fatherhood, such as the strain a new baby can put on a marriage and the baby blues their partner might suffer following delivery. They also learned some important "how-tos" -- such as how to swaddle, diaper, feed, and even hold a baby. Depending on the locale, Boot Camp typically consists of one or two initial sessions and ongoing support through monthly group meetings of new fathers.
"It's reassuring to hold and comfort a baby," says Barrette. "The fear factor melts away when you get the baby in your arms."