Birth of a Father
Boot Camp for Dads
What to Expect When You Are Expecting continued...
"Mom and dad are a team who take care of the baby, and it's tough when that relationship is in trouble," he says.
Five years ago, Chuck Ault, the coordinator of fatherhood programs at Exempla Saint Joseph Hospital in Denver and a national Boot Camp trainer, replicated Boot Camp in Denver.
"If a guy can go in much more confident in his ability to care for the baby, he jumps in from the beginning and establishes positive patterns and bonds with the baby," Ault says.
"Unlike other programs, [Boot Camp] doesn't target fathers in a specific situation," Ault says. "It's open to all fathers, and all fathers can benefit from the workshop."
Here's how it works: Expectant fathers -- a.k.a "rookie dads" -- get together with veteran dads about a month before the baby is born. The veteran dads bring their 2- to 3-month-olds for a show-and-tell of sorts, all facilitated by Ault.
"They all sit in a circle and find out what the rookie dad's concerns are, then we hear initial advice from veteran dads," he says. Some topics include "the gatekeeper phenomena," where the new mom tends to overcare for the baby and unknowingly pushes the dad away.
"It's easy enough if you are not feeling confident to allow that to happen, and that establishes a pattern, but at Boot Camp we help new dads establish a different pattern from the beginning and share responsibility for new baby," says Ault.
That new pattern begins with pregnancy, and is intended to take the dads through labor and delivery and all the way through childhood.
"At the hospital, dads need to be aware of everything that could be a distraction," Ault says. "For example, let's say the new mom changes her mind about using drugs to cope with labor pain: The dad must advocate for her with the staff."
And after the new parents get home, when everybody wants to visit and "help"? "The dad should take charge of directing visitors in terms of what is most helpful and what is not," he says.