May 1, 2000 (San Francisco) -- If you want to improve life for a loved one in a nursing home far away, here are some ideas.
First, keep in contact with your loved one: cards, phone calls, and photographs do make a difference. Friends don't need to be around the corner, as long as a strong message of caring is communicated, says Mary Brintall Peterson, PhD, program specialist in aging at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. "What's important is the perception that there is someone out there who really cares about me," she says.
When dance instructor Joan Price of Sebastopol, Calif., met the love of her life in her line dancing class at the age of 57, she was already wise to the steps and spins of modern dating, especially when it came to sex. She had been dating for years following her divorce, mostly short-term relationships, and was always careful to use condoms in bed.
Price, author of Better Than I Ever Expected: Straight Talk about Sex After Sixty, says that when she and her now husband were ready to get intimate,...
Call the federally run Eldercare Locator at 1-(800)-677-1116 to get the name of the ombudsman at the Area Agency on Aging nearest the nursing home. Call the ombudsman and find out if there's a local group, like the Little Brothers -- Friends of the Elderly, that visits people in nursing homes. The best thing is for visitors to come regularly.
Call the administrator of the nursing home to see whether your loved one could have a pet. "Say, 'I think this is something Dad needs,' " suggests William H. Thomas, MD, the founder of the Eden Alternative. "What's going to change this monstrous $70 billion industry are these phone calls. It's an elder liberation movement -- we're seeking to put an end to the sterile medical institution."
Read Life Worth Living for arguments that can counteract fears that children and animals will spread germs and cause allergies to flare. Thomas says these fears can be resolved.
Jane Meredith Adams is a San Francisco writer. Her work has appeared in The Boston Globe and numerous other publications. She is also the co-author of The Last Time I Wore a Dress (Riverhead, 1998).