May 1, 2000 (San Francisco) -- If you want to improve life for a loved one in a nursing home far away, here are some ideas.
First, keep in contact with your loved one: cards, phone calls, and photographs do make a difference. Friends don't need to be around the corner, as long as a strong message of caring is communicated, says Mary Brintall Peterson, PhD, program specialist in aging at the University of Wisconsin at Madison. "What's important is the perception that there is someone out there who really cares about me," she says.
"I'm sorry, but there's nothing more we can do."
No patient wants to hear that. No doctor wants to say it. And with good reason: It isn't true.
It is true that in the course of many illnesses, cure ceases to be an option.
But no hope of a sure cure does not mean no hope at all. It certainly does not mean there is nothing more to be done.
When you receive the information that your illness is serious, a palliative care team can help you handle the news and cope with the many questions and challenges...
Call the federally run Eldercare Locator at 1-(800)-677-1116 to get the name of the ombudsman at the Area Agency on Aging nearest the nursing home. Call the ombudsman and find out if there's a local group, like the Little Brothers -- Friends of the Elderly, that visits people in nursing homes. The best thing is for visitors to come regularly.
Call the administrator of the nursing home to see whether your loved one could have a pet. "Say, 'I think this is something Dad needs,' " suggests William H. Thomas, MD, the founder of the Eden Alternative. "What's going to change this monstrous $70 billion industry are these phone calls. It's an elder liberation movement -- we're seeking to put an end to the sterile medical institution."
Read Life Worth Living for arguments that can counteract fears that children and animals will spread germs and cause allergies to flare. Thomas says these fears can be resolved.
Jane Meredith Adams is a San Francisco writer. Her work has appeared in The Boston Globe and numerous other publications. She is also the co-author of The Last Time I Wore a Dress (Riverhead, 1998).