Anxiety about dating, sex, and relationships is common for many single people who have ulcerative colitis. “I tell my patients there’s no Pollyanna approach to it,” says Sharon Jedel, PhD, a clinical psychologist in the gastroenterology department at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago.
Yet it’s very possible to have a full sex life and satisfying relationships with UC, despite the challenges. Jedel and other experts shared their tips on how to do it.
Rima didn’t date until she was 25 because of severe ulcerative colitis. Surgery that year eased her UC but didn’t get rid of the symptoms. Now 28 years old, she’s well acquainted with the mental and emotional effects of active UC when it comes to dating.
There is her gurgling stomach. “It’s often audible. When I’m on a date, I sometimes make a rustling sound in my purse at that moment to mask the noise, or I end up leaving early,” she says.
Then there is the other noise that makes her too embarrassed to use public restrooms, holding it in instead. “There are times when I’ve been uncomfortable for the entire date. I don’t know if the guy thinks I don’t like him because I sit there looking uptight.”
Rima has always been very honest with friends about her UC, but so far she’s been too embarrassed to talk about it with dates.
Dating and UC: Feeling Freaky
Do you feel:
a. unattractive
b. ashamed that your body is “out of control”
c. mortified about having an accident on a date
d. afraid to be honest
e. all of the above
If you answered e., you’re not alone. Take it from Matt Leibsohn, PhD, a licensed psychologist in private practice in Seattle.
“I know from my own experience of being diagnosed when I was 20 that nobody wants to talk about their digestive issues,” says Leibsohn, who recalls an unfortunate Disneyland date spent mostly in the Tomorrowland and Fantasyland bathrooms. “It’s not a pretty disease.”
The side effects of steroids, though usually temporary, can affect your body image and interest in sex. So can abdominal pain and surgery.
“In more extreme situations, people stop making plans,” Jedel says. “Some people will only leave their homes if they absolutely have to.”
The UC Dating Game: How Much to Say?
One of the biggest dating issues is what and when to tell a prospective romantic partner about your UC, says Jedel, who also runs a support group for people with UC and Crohn’s disease.
“There’s no golden rule about when to bring it up,” she says. “A lot of it has to do with your sense of comfort and trust with the person you’re with, and whether you think it’s important to bring it up at that point in the relationship.”
