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New Dads: How to Bond With Your Baby

How to start building a strong connection with your newborn.

By Lisa Fields
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Laura J. Martin, MD

Becoming a father is exciting, but it's also uncharted territory. You may have never changed a diaper or soothed a crying infant. You certainly can't breastfeed, which is touted as the ultimate bonding experience in nearly every parenting book you've read.

So how will you build that special connection with your baby, and where do you fit into the picture, exactly?

“Other than the physical act of nursing, dads can do everything else,” says Mark Diamond, MD, a pediatrician in private practice in Pittsburgh and an associate professor of pediatrics at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine. “Holding the baby. Playing with the baby. Cuddling. Soothing. It's hard to do anything grossly wrong when you love your baby and spend time with him.”

Here's what you can do to encourage a strong bond with your baby:

Start Early

Some men try to start building that bond before the baby is born. They may sing or read books to their partners' pregnant bellies regularly, because they've heard that newborns later recognize the tone and pattern of their mom's and dad's voices.

If talking to a baby bump isn't your style, though, you can strengthen your connection to your unborn child simply by being there for your partner.

“Go to OB appointments, ultrasound visits, and breastfeeding classes,” says David Hill, MD, a pediatrician in private practice in Wilmington, N.C., and author of Between Us Dads: A Father's Guide to Child Health. “Become intimately involved with the process, because mothers who feel more supported by fathers tend to involve the fathers more with child-rearing later on. And more involved means more likely to bond.”

If you haven't spent much time around babies, make plans to spend an afternoon with a new-dad friend and his infant before your baby arrives. The experience should make you confident enough to focus on getting to know your newborn in the delivery room, rather than worrying whether you're cradling him properly.

Once your baby arrives, seek out advice from the nurses in the hospital during the first days of your child's life.

“They can give practical tips on changing a diaper, swaddling a baby, burping a baby -- all the things that are wonderful for the dads to do,” says Emily Borman-Shoap, MD, medical director for newborn care at the University of Minnesota Amplatz Children's Hospital in Minneapolis and assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of Minnesota Medical School.

Worry Less

If you don't think of yourself as naturally paternal, you may fear that you won't connect with your baby as deeply as your partner will. But rest assured that as long as you spend time with your baby, a bond will develop between the two of you, even if it doesn't seem apparent during the first few days, when the mother-baby bond may already be thriving.

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