10 Commandments of Good Parenting
Does your child have behavior problems? Your relationship with your child likely needs some attention.
You know the checkout line scenario: 3-year-old child wants
this toy, this candy, this something -- and she wants it nooooow!
The crying starts, escalating into a full-blown tantrum.
In his new book, The Ten Basic Principles of Good
Parenting, Laurence Steinberg, PhD, provides guidelines based on the top
social science research -- some 75 years of studies. Follow them, and you can
avert all sorts of child behavior problems, he says.
After all, what is the goal when you're dealing with children?
To show who's boss? To instill fear? Or to help the child develop into a
decent, self-confident human being?
Good parenting helps foster empathy, honesty, self-reliance,
self-control, kindness, cooperation, and cheerfulness, says Steinberg. It also
promotes intellectual curiosity, motivation, and desire to achieve. It helps
protect children from developing anxiety, depression, eating disorders,
anti-social behavior, and alcohol and drug abuse.
"Parenting is one of the most researched areas in the
entire field of social science," says Steinberg, who is a distinguished
professor of psychology at Temple University in Philadelphia. The scientific
evidence for the principles he outlines "is very, very consistent," he
Too many parents base their actions on gut reaction. But some
parents have better instincts than others, Steinberg says. Children should
never be hit -- not even a slap on a toddler's bottom, he tells WebMD. "If
your young child is headed into danger, into traffic, you can grab him and hold
him, but you should under no circumstances hit him."
Ruby Natale PhD, PsyD, professor of clinical pediatrics at the
University of Miami Medical School, couldn't agree more. She offered a few of
her own insights. "Many people use the same tactics their own parents used,
and a lot of times that meant using really harsh discipline," she tells
A parent's relationship with his or her child will be reflected
in the child's actions -- including child behavior problems, Natale explains.
"If you don't have a good relationship with your child, they're not going
to listen to you. Think how you relate to other adults. If you have a good
relationship with them, you tend to trust them more, listen to their opinions,
and agree with them. If it's someone we just don't like, we will ignore their
Steinberg's 10 principles hold true for anyone who deals with
children -- coach, teacher, babysitter, he says.
The 10 Principles of Good Parenting
1. What you do matters. "This is one of the most
important principles," Steinberg tells WebMD. "What you do makes a
difference. Your kids are watching you. Don't just react on the spur of the
moment. Ask yourself, 'What do I want to accomplish, and is this likely to
produce that result?'"
2. You cannot be too loving. "It is simply not
possible to spoil a child with love," he writes. "What we often think
of as the product of spoiling a child is never the result of showing a child
too much love. It is usually the consequence of giving a child things in place
of love -- things like leniency, lowered expectations, or material