10 Signs You're a Micromanaging Parent

Child development experts explain why parental involvement sometimes goes too far.

By Sherry Rauh
WebMD Feature

Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD

You are a parent of the new millennium -- caring, involved, and determined to help your child succeed. But there are times when your involvement could do more harm than good.

"Micromanagement goes against natural development," says clinical psychologist and author Marc Nemiroff, PhD. "It takes away the child's experience and [impedes] his learning how to handle himself in the world. Part of the job of the parent is not to do everything for the child, but to help him do things more and more independently."

Gail Tanner, a third grade math teacher in Ft. Lauderdale, Fla., agrees. "Kids don't develop the skills they need to weather the rough spots in life if their parents never let them practice those skills."

With that in mind, WebMD asked child development and parenting experts to identify 10 signs you may be micromanaging your child.

1. You constantly interfere during play dates.

"One of the telltale signs of micromanagement," Nemiroff tells WebMD, "is during a play date when the parent steps in immediately" at the first sign of conflict. "The danger is the child doesn't learn to be on his own in the world, to manage the conflicts that may arise."

As long as safety isn't an issue, parents should wait a few minutes before stepping in, says Benjamin Siegel, MD, a professor of pediatrics at Boston University School of Medicine. "You have to intervene if kids are getting hurt," he tells WebMD, "but oftentimes they work it out themselves." If you do have to step in, try to be an arbitrator rather than coming up with a solution for the children.

2. You obsess over what your child eats.

Many parents are overly concerned about what their children eat, Nemiroff says. "If a child is truly not eating enough and losing weight, that's worth discussing with your pediatrician. But when you have a picky eater [who gets] sufficient protein, does it really matter?"

Arguing over food can set up an unhealthy power struggle, says Ruth A. Peters, PhD, a clinical psychologist and author of the parenting manual, Laying Down the Law. Peters cautions parents against becoming "control freaks" at meal time. "If the kid wants last night's pizza for breakfast, that's OK. If the kid won't try a new food, so what? It's OK to go along with the kid's quirks."

Clothing and Homework

3. You clash with your child over clothing.

Peters says parents should think about what's important before arguing over clothes. "What's important is safety, academics, and values," she tells WebMD. "Pretty much anything short of that, you can begin to let go." She recommends allowing children to "dress to fit in at their school, even if you think it's dumb-looking. See it from their point of view, not always from your point of view."

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