Answer:

For most children, self-exploration is a normal part of development and starts from day one. (As a matter of fact, I have seen ultrasounds of baby boys touching themselves in the uterus!) By the age of 5, most children deliberately play with their genitals to experience pleasure. Little boys may rhythmically rub or pull their penises and little girls may rub themselves, squeeze their legs together, and sometimes even insert objects into their vaginas.

Even the most open-minded parents often feel uncomfortable when they realize that their child is masturbating. Often they worry that this behavior may be a sign of a psychological or developmental problem. The most common concerns include:

• Is this a sign of sexual abuse?
• Could this mean that my child is stressed out?
• Is my child oversexed and likely to be promiscuous when she is older?
• Is this a sign of a mental handicap such as autism?
• Will my child hurt herself or break her hymen by rubbing too hard or putting things in her vagina?

Most parents don't raise these questions until I broach the subject. When I do, I often see looks of relief come over their faces. I explain that I frequently see children with chafed genitals from frequent masturbation, but never have I seen a child seriously injured. In general, I encourage them to consider masturbation a completely healthy part of growing up -- unless their child:

• masturbates constantly or compulsively,
• chooses to masturbate over other exciting activities, or
• attempts to relate to adults in a sexual way.

It's important that parents not make their children feel self-conscious about their sexual exploration. At the same time, they need to explain that there is a time and a place for everything. If your child masturbates in public, try not to scold or act disgusted. Instead, calmly tell your child: "This is a nice thing that you are doing to yourself but it is very private. From now on, you can do this in your bedroom when you are alone."