By Kimberly Goad
As Amanda Clark, 33, a caterer from Boston, walked down the aisle toward her fiancé, wearing a $15,000 gown and a 7-carat ring, she felt nothing but dread. I don't want to go through with this, she thought, with each step toward the altar.
Just two hours before the ceremony, Clark had gone for a dip in the ocean with her two sisters. When it was time to get ready, Clark wouldn't budge. "I couldn't get out of the water," she says. "It was like knowing you have a work meeting...
Statistics from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy suggest that 15% of wives and 25% of husbands have had sex outside of their marriage. When emotional affairs or sexual intimacies without intercourse are included, the number jumps by 20%.
But straying is not inevitable, no matter how many soap operas you watch, says Frances Cohen Praver, PhD, a clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst in Locust Valley, N.Y., and the author of Daring Wives: Insight into Women's Desires for Extramarital Affairs.
"For the most part, people don't just go out and cheat. There are warnings," she tells WebMD. The good news is that knowing the common signs and addressing them head-on can save your relationship from infidelity.
Red Flag No. 1: Crying Out for Help
"The most common warning is when a partner tells you something is amiss and you don't believe it," Praver says. "He or she may say, 'This marriage isn't working,' or 'I am not happy.'"
Marriage Saving Solution: Taking the Bait
"This is akin to being hit over the head with a 2 X 4," Praver says. "If your partner is reaching out, take the bait," she says. "First open up a dialogue, and if you can't get anywhere, consider couples therapy."
Red Flag No. 2: Sudden Change -- or Interest -- in Appearance.
Is your husband talking about getting botox to eliminate his frown lines? Did your wife recently start coloring her hair and scrapping her jeans for a low-cut black dress? If so, this may indicate he or she is on the prowl, experts say.
Marriage Saving Solution: If You Can't Beat Them, Join Them
"This can make you bitter or better," says John Van Epp, PhD, a therapist in Medina, Ohio and author of the forthcoming How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk: the foolproof way to follow your heart without losing your mind.
"If they are going through changes and you are fairly certain no one else is involved, this is an opportunity," he says. "Join in and spice up your relationship."