Switching Roles: Caring for My Mom Who Has Alzheimer's

11B. Erica. Marker.

I'm Erica Steiner. I'm 29 years old. I live in California, and I'm a full-time caregiver.

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My daily schedule with my mom starts whenever her schedule starts. Usually, I sleep downstairs. So I'll hear her upstairs in her bedroom tiptoeing around. That's when I start my day.

I go upstairs. I try and start her day off as good as humanly possible. So I'll usually come in with like a song on my iPhone or with the dogs running through the door jumping on the bed, just something that I know will give her like a good first moment of the day. And then it's pretty much just like playtime is the best way I could put it. We just kind of do whatever she wants. So whether that's like dancing around, or putting on like a Cher documentary that she can dance and sing around to.

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Before I became a caregiver, I would definitely classify myself as an impatient person. I don't like to wait for things. I don't like it when things take time. You can not do that if you're a caregiver.

You have to remove yourself from the situation because a lot of the time she's going to be aggressive. She's going to be combative. And you just have to realize she's not mad cause I'm doing something that's making her mad. She's mad because she doesn't know how to do these things, so I have to help her.

Hello? Oh, god. Hi. I'll be home soon. And remember what I promised if we were good all day? Pizza party. You want to have a pizza party? No, I'm going to bring the pizza party. OK. All right, so I'll see you soon, OK? I love you. Nice.

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I definitely used to consider myself a part-time caregiver, if that. I feel like that's even being generous. When my dad was the primary caregiver, they lived together. I lived on my own with my boyfriend in an apartment like 25 minutes away.

I was a part-time caregiver. I came over to the house maybe two or three times a week, if that. I definitely wasn't as committed as I am now in any sense up until my dad called me one day to let me know that he had spoken to my mom's doctor and pretty much gave us a horrible prognosis. And he let me know as gently as possible that she might not have that much time left. So that prompted me to go home. My plan was to just stay home for a week or two weeks. And in that process about a week after I moved home was when my dad passed away.

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When that happened, it became a permanent move, and I became her full time caregiver. Initially, it was more of a panic. How do I-- how do I provide for her? How do I take care of her? How do I know all the meals she wants to eat? And I found that when I got rid of all of like the internet tips and I just treated my mom like she's my mom, things became a lot more smoother and that we were able to kind of settle into having fun as each other as opposed to a caregiver and a person with Alzheimer's.

I know to a lot of people it seems that I'm putting my life on hold, but I feel like I'm living my life. In a lot of regards, it's brought me closer to my mom than I ever would have imagined I would be, which is hard to be mad at. Like, yes, things are horrible, but she's still able to have fun with me. And that makes me so happy, and that's so amazing.

Growing up, I don't think I could have been any more impossible. If you knew the sacrifices she made for me and the crap she put up with for the entirety of my teenage years, you would agree that she definitely deserves to be treated well because I did not treat her well my entire life. I just saw her as the mean lady who makes me do the things I don't want to do, which, ironically, is how she views me sometimes. So she took care of me, and now it's my turn.

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