Skip to main content

Bipolar Disorder


Managing the Mania and Depression

Bipolar Disorder

Skip to main content
Logo for WebMD
Logo for WebMD
  • Coronavirus Update
  • Check Your Symptoms
  • Find A Doctor
  • Find A Dentist
  • Connect to Care
  • Find Lowest Drug Prices
  • Health
    A-Z
    Health A-Z
    Health A-Z
    Common Conditions
    • ADD/ADHD
    • Allergies
    • Arthritis
    • Cancer
    • Coronavirus (COVID-19)
    • Depression
    • Diabetes
    • Eye Health
    • Heart Disease
    • Lung Disease
    • Orthopedics
    • Pain Management
    • Sexual Conditions
    • Skin Problems
    • Sleep Disorders
    • View All
    Resources
    • Symptom Checker
    • WebMD Blogs
    • Podcasts
    • Newsletters
    • Questions & Answers
    • Insurance Guide
    • Find a Doctor
    • Children's Conditions A-Z
    • Surgeries and Procedures A-Z
    • Featured Topics
    • woman experiencing chest discomfort Symptom Checker COVID-19: Check Your Symptoms Now
    • photo of migraine Slideshow Get Help for Migraine Relief
  • Drugs &
    Supplements
    Drugs & Supplements
    Drugs & Supplements
    Find & Review
    • Drugs
    • Supplements
    Drug Basics & Safety
    • Commonly Abused Drugs
    • Taking Meds When Pregnant
    Tools
    • Manage Your Medications
    • Pill Identifier
    • Check for Interactions
    • Drug Comparison Tool
    • Featured Topics
    • assorted vitamins Slideshow Vitamins You Need as You Age
    • photo of vaccine Coronavirus COVID-19 Vaccines
  • Living
    Healthy
    Living Healthy
    Living Healthy
    Diet, Food & Fitness
    • Diet & Weight Management
    • Weight Loss & Obesity
    • Food & Recipes
    • Fitness & Exercise
    Beauty & Balance
    • Healthy Beauty
    • Health & Balance
    • Sex & Relationships
    • Oral Care
    Living Well
    • Women's Health
    • Men's Health
    • Aging Well
    • Healthy Sleep
    • Healthy Teens
    • Featured Topics
    • grocery cart Article Smart Grocery Shopping When You Have Diabetes
    • walking sneakers Quiz Do You Know the Benefits of Walking?
  • Family &
    Pregnancy
    Family & Pregnancy
    Family & Pregnancy
    All About Pregnancy
    • Getting Pregnant
    • First Trimester
    • Second Trimester
    • Third Trimester
    • View All
    Parenting Guide
    • Newborn & Baby
    • Children's Health
    • Children's Vaccines
    • Raising Fit Kids
    • View All
    Pet Care Essentials
    • Healthy Cats
    • Healthy Dogs
    • View All
    • Featured Topics
    • apple slices and peanut butter Slideshow Smart Snacks When You're Pregnant
    • photo of dogs kissing Slideshow Surprising Things You Didn't Know About Dogs and Cats
  • News &
    Experts
    News & Experts
    News & Experts
    Health News
    • Coronavirus News
    • COVID-19 Vaccines -- Latest Updates
    • Coronavirus in Context: Interviews With Experts
    • COVID-19 Symptoms
    • Coronavirus Variants
    Experts & Community
    • WebMD Blogs
    • News Center
    • Featured Topics
    • photo of coronavirus cell WebMD News Get the Latest COVID-19 News Here
    • photo of person typing Get Our Newsletters Health News and Information, Delivered to Your Inbox
  • Mobile Apps
  • Subscriptions
  • Sign In
  • Subscribe
  • My Profile
    • My Tools
    • My WebMD Pages
    • My Account
    • Sign Out

    Day to Day With Bipolar Disorder

    Reviewed by Michael Smith on April 06, 2021

    Video Transcript

    SPEAKER: Something wasn't right. Things started to look more beautiful. It's almost euphoric. Something wasn't right-- bipolar I disorder. I thought everyone was in on it. I just want to run. It's almost euphoric. I thought everyone was in on it. I'd see signs.

    [MUSIC PLAYING] So I'd be in the library looking for clues, looking for symbols, getting to a desk, scratching, things down. When I found my way to the community shirt, sort of climbed the church. I took my clothes off. And all I wanted to do was calm my brain.

    And then the next thing I knew, I was strapped down in a gurney in an ambulance. So my mind is flying. Bipolar I disorder-- mania is hard times.

    After the mania comes a depression. I don't think you can explain it to someone who doesn't have a mental illness or who hasn't experienced it. You're as low as you can go. It's a very dark place.

    It's suffocating, because there's no break from it-- not even for like 5 minutes. I think the deeper you fall into the depression, the more hopeless you get. So it's a dangerous thing, because suicide enters your mind.

    I had my first manic episode I was 16. I had a second in 2001. I had a third in 2003, a fourth in 2004. It culminated in going to a rehab facility. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I made a vow to take my meds which I never broke.

    I got my life back together. I met a girl, got married, had a kid, and it was great. It was nine years of peace. When I'm healthy-- meaning not in a mania or a depression-- I'm completely functional. You sort of put your bipolar coat into the closet. It's not affecting you in any way. That's why it was so surprising that something happened after that.

    I don't think you ever start to feel the mania come on. It just sort of starts. You trick your mind into thinking you're OK. What's happening feels right. You're doing creative things. You don't want that to end. It kept climbing. You reach a point of psychosis. You've totally lost grip with reality, and it's scary.

    Interesting thing about this last manic episode was that I had stayed on my medication. So I didn't think in my head that if I took my medication, it could ever happen again. What I learned was that I'm not in control of it. I have to surrender that it might happen again.

    So how I channel this creative energy that bipolar provides-- I channel it into my writing. I have probably 50 notebooks. Some are from when I was manic, and I'm just scribbling things down-- arrows and symbols and whatnot. Others are more concise, when I'm stable and I'm planning out the books.

    I've written two books, and I'm working on the third one now. And the main character has bipolar. My books are fuller. They're richer. There's more to them because of experiences I've had in the past.

    I feel like I can help people struggling with that right now. Just make a vow that you will never commit suicide, because if you don't, I can promise you you'll rise up again. If I could go back in time and not have bipolar disorder, I wouldn't take it. And it's worth all those downs and all those ups to be able to help someone else get through it.

    My brain does not have a cap to how amazing I can feel. But it also doesn't have a plug to how horrible I can feel."

    - Mehri Coulter

    EXPLORE MORE

    How Treatment Helped

    Katherine was on a rough road. She was in denial over her diagnosis and hospitalized. But she believed she could be happy. What was her turning point?

    Manage the Mania

    Stop the Downward Spiral

    Find WebMD on:

    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Pintrest
    AdChoices AdChoices
    • About WebMD
    • Advertise With Us
    • Terms of Use
    • Privacy Policy
    • Cookie Policy
    • Editorial Policy
    • Contact Us
    • TRUSTe Privacy Certification
    • TAG Registered Seal
    • HONcode Seal

    ©2005-2019 WebMD LLC. All rights reserved.

    WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment.
    See additional information.