Setting Limits for a Child

: What are appropriate limits for a child?

It depends on the child. I think you treat children very differently. Some children need a lot of control. Some children need very little.

My own feeling, and I have a book about this, is that children need to learn inner controls. A child has to learn how to calm themselves down, how to get themselves under control and so discipline from a parent should be aimed at teaching. When you get that upset how about finding your thumb and just suck, suck, suck until you finally calm down. Isn't that great, look what you can do. And this is very hard for kids and it takes a long time and it's very hard for parents.

And you know when they get out of control and you just get out of control with them that just reinforces what they're already dealing with, which is being out of control. But the second you say, now when you're like that come sit in my lap and I'll hold you or you can sit over there in the chair and look for ways to calm yourself down. It will make you feel so good.