You have been told you're infected with a virus for which there is no cure, and one that affects a very sensitive area. That's crummy news, but don't get too down about it.
Above all, realize that genital herpes is very common. Chances are one of your friends, family members, or co-workers has it, too. If you have read about genital herpes, you know the statistic: About one in five people in the U.S. is infected. But you may not realize that some diseases we consider quite common are less so than genital herpes -- asthma and diabetes, for instance.
You can have a fulfilling sex life if you have genital herpes, even though it may be more complicated than it was before your diagnosis. Now, you must be careful about what you do and when you do it.
Avoid these sexual activities when you have sores on your genitals, or when you feel a herpes outbreak coming on:
Receiving oral sex (fellatio, cunnilingus, and analingus)
Between outbreaks, it's OK to have sex, as long as your partner understands and accepts...
If you've done your herpes homework, you also know it won't kill you, and it probably will not cause serious health problems later. Still, no one should underestimate the havoc the diagnosis can play with emotions. You may feel "dirty" or sexually undesirable. You may get depressed thinking about a lifetime of symptoms and taking drugs to control them. You may be angry with the person who infected you. These are valid feelings, but you must learn to overcome them and get back to normal, or else risk "becoming" the condition. You are not herpes: You have herpes.
Challenge Your Feelings About Genital Herpes
The way to get over these feelings is to challenge the assumptions on which they are based. Does genital herpes make you less attractive? No, not really. Sores may appear on your genitals from time to time but the rest of you is not affected. People are attracted to many things about you besides sex appeal. You're just as cute and funny as you always were; your eyes are still as alluring, or whatever is special about you.
When you have symptoms, you shouldn't have sex, and probably won't want to. But then you don't feel sexy when you have a cold, either. After a few days, you get over your cold and feel better. Think back to a time when you were sick with a cold. Your partner may have leaned in to kiss you, and you said something like, "No, I don't want to give you this bug I have." But did he or she kiss you anyway? If someone wants you, your infection won't necessarily deter desire.