7 Sex Mistakes Men Make
Mistake 2: "Let's (Not) Talk About Sex" continued...
"Do one thing then do another thing -- and then say, 'Which do you like better?'" Taormino says. "It's like a multiple-choice question. They don't have to write an essay. They just have to pick A or B."
Many men also think they should keep quiet during sex. Usually that's not a good thing. "There are far too many people having sex in silence in America," Taormino says. She says couples should give each other verbal cues during sex. "In my sex-ed videos, I really like them to talk to each other and ask each other what they want." She suggests using neutral prompts like, "harder," "slower," or "right there." (Same as directions you'd give to someone scratching your back.) "Give really basic, clear information," she says. "You don't have to be a sort of master dirty talker."
But dirty talk can be fun, too, says Britton, "if everyone's on the same page about it." And if you don't like talking dirty, you can still talk sexy without being lewd. "Telling her you want her can be highly arousing and get great results," Britton says. "But say, ‘I want you,' and not, ‘I want it.' That's the secret."
Don't hold back moans, grunts, and sighs either. "Sounds of sex are sexy and a turn-on," Britton says.
Mistake 3: Taking It Out of Context
Often men forget that sex doesn't happen in a vacuum. A man may wonder why he's unhappy with the sex he's having and not connect that with how he and his partner are getting along. A woman may not open up sexually with a partner if she doesn't feel safe emotionally with him. "For many women it takes a feeling of being vulnerable to let herself be explored," Britton says.
Your recent behavior follows you into bed with a woman, too. "She's still thinking about how you've been the week before, the day before, the hour before," Donaghue says. "Foreplay begins the week before, when you take the trash out."
Men can also be clueless about timing. "Very often I hear women complaining that, ‘My partner tries to initiate sex at the absolute wrong times, always,'" Taormino says. There's an easy fix for that, she says: "People let us know what they want all the time. I think we just have to pay attention."
A woman may literally tell you what she wants to do at various times of the day, Taormino says. If she doesn't mention sex, that might be a cue to wait. Men also have to remember that most women need more time than men to become aroused. "Men can get aroused quickly and get on their way," Taormino says. But for many women, the right time for sex would be when she isn't rushed.