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7 Sex Mistakes Men Make


Mistake 6: Ringing the Doorbell continued...

The clitoris is often described as being wishbone shaped, and much of it is internal. The glans of the clitoris is the little "button" that you can see peeking out from the clitoral hood at the 12 o'clock position on the vulva. The body of the clitoris extends under the clitoral hood, then bends back and branches into two "legs" behind the labia. Below the legs are two bulbs of tissue that surround the urethra and vagina.

The entire clitoris is tissue that, like a man's penis, swells with blood when a woman becomes aroused. The whole body of the clitoris, not just the glans, is packed with nerves and highly sensitive. For many women, the glans is actually too sensitive to touch.

"Plenty of women don't want stimulation directly on the glans, like you're ringing a doorbell," Taormino says. Instead, they prefer stimulation on the internal body of the clitoris. Other women prefer indirect pressure or vibration that stimulates the clitoris through other areas of the vulva.

The majority of women need some clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. And most women are not able to have an orgasm by vaginal sex alone. "Penile-vaginal sex is an inefficient means of producing a female orgasm. That's what an engineer would say," Britton says.

Mistake 7: Compare and Despair

Many guys have unrealistic beliefs about how often they should be having sex based on what they believe other people are doing. That can make them feel bad about themselves and unhappy in a relationship.

"They compare themselves to their peers, and they are convinced that everyone around them is having more sex and better sex than they are," Taormino says. "It's just not true."

How often men have sex varies greatly by their age and relationship status, according to a national survey published in 2010 in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. That survey shows differences based on whether men were single, married, or had a long-term relationship other than marriage.

Age also mattered. For instance, married men tend to have sex less often every decade after age 30. But that doesn't mean that their sex lives got worse as they got older. How often you have sex may have little to do with how satisfied you are sexually, Taormino says.

"People say, 'We have sex a lot,' or, 'We only have a little,'" she says. "But when I probe further, what constitutes a lot or a little is wildly different."

And what you consider "a lot" or "a little" can change over time. Having sex twice a week might seem like a lot to you when you're single, and not so much when you're a newlywed. If you have kids and have been with your partner for a decade or more, it might seem like a lot again.

"We need to change our expectations and reframe how we think about this," Taormino says. "You've got to acknowledge that people change, the dynamic will change, and be OK with that."

Reviewed on February 02, 2012
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