Migraines, Headaches, and Relationships
How Migraines Affect Sex, Marriage, and Family
Migraine and headache pain is a common condition that tends to occur in several family members. The condition is so common, that there's even a special name for people who suffer from frequent migraines: migraineur. Yet, loved ones don't always understand the migraineur's condition. It can be highly disruptive to family time and marriages.
Migraine Pain and Children
Children are sensitive to a parent's medical condition. They may believe they caused it. You can put that fear to rest by telling children about migraines in advance. Try a statement like this: "Mommy has a sensitive nervous system and has to be careful not to overtax herself." If you feel a migraine attack coming on, you might say: "I'm afraid I'm going to be having a migraine. I have to take my medicine and lie down." Remain positive and emphasize that you will feel better soon.
Sadly, migraine pain occurs more frequently around holidays and other family celebrations. This may make you feel guilty, perhaps precipitating an attack. "You have to scale back," says Kathleen Lake, PsyD, a psychologist who treats migraine patients. "Expectations are so high for migraineurs around family celebrations."
Instead of decorating the Christmas tree, or blowing out candles on a child"s birthday cake, a migraineur may have to lie down in her bedroom with the blinds drawn while a spouse takes over. As a result, migraineurs, who tend to have perfectionistic, "Type A" personalities, need to set limits. Communicate these limits to their children. It may help to say to your six-year-old: "Mommy gets headaches when she gives parties. Why don’t we invite six people instead of 15?"
If you have teenagers in the home, say: "When I have a migraine I need to rest. I can't have you playing loud music or have the TV on too loud." Or, "Today is not a good day to have your friends over." Add that you have medicine that will stop the attack and allow you to get back to normal soon.
Migraine Pain and Intimacy
Migraineurs are frequently unable to attend to family chores such as cooking, cleaning, and shopping. Spouses have to pick up the slack, which often causes resentment. A recent survey found that 74% of sufferers have to cancel plans because of migraine pain and 68% say it disrupts their sex life.
Migraine pain often occurs at predictable times during a woman's menstrual cycle or when the weather changes. Have your spouse make a note in his calendar or even check the weather forecast. This way he'll know when he may have to take on additional family responsibilities, such as making dinner or picking up children from school. Make dinners in advance and microwave them, or use prepared dinners when you have migraine pain.
Some migraineurs don't like to be touched when they are having an attack. Tell your spouse that "not tonight" doesn't mean not ever. It's only temporary. Talking about this in advance can help prevent hurt feelings. There is a silver lining: a recent study found that women who suffer from migraine headaches have a stronger sex drive than non-sufferers.
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