Most of us can remember the hot -- and frequent -- spicy
moments when the romance was new with our partner.
But eventually the fire of a good love life may die down. Over time, the sexy
nightie languishes hidden in the sock drawer, the massage oil gathers dust next to the athlete's foot
powder in the medicine cabinet, and you and your partner have what feels like a
humdrum sexual life.
So what is the secret to a better love life that lasts? We
asked for some suggestions from two experts on sexuality -- Michael Castleman,
author of Great Sex: A Man's Guide to the Secret Principles of Total-Body
Sex, and Louanne Cole Weston, PhD, a board certified sex therapist and
resident expert for WebMD's "Sex Matters®" message boards.
By Liz Welch
Anna is sitting in a New York café, sipping an English Breakfast tea. Dressed in patterned tights and a black sweaterdress, the 20-something Smith College grad has auburn curls and big brown eyes. Pretty? Yes. Sexy? Sure. Sex addict? No way. But she's currently being treated for sex addiction, seeing a therapist once a week and attending daily support groups, after an affair last year almost ruined her marriage and landed her in sex rehab. "I always knew I focused too much on...
Castleman and Weston are in firm agreement that couples that
have been together for a while need to plan time for sex.
"Make a date for sex," says Castleman, a health
journalist who previously answered questions about sexuality submitted to the
Playboy advisor. "Don't let it be an afterthought," he tells
WebMD. "Do whatever you like to do beforehand, go to a movie or dinner,
take a walk, have a glass of wine by candlelight, whatever the couple likes to
do as a couple. But set aside that time."
But, you might cry, isn't scheduling unromantic? Isn't sex
supposed to be spontaneous? Rare is the lover with a daily planner fetish,
But Castleman has a blunt response. "Grow up," he says.
"What's the problem with making a date for sex? People make plans for other
things they enjoy, like ski trips or dinners out."
Weston agrees. "I think most people, especially couples
with kids, have to plan ahead because they already have so much jammed
into their schedules," she says. "Sure there are times when things
spontaneously fall together, but those are happy accidents."